


New Moon

by NicciCrowe



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Bella has a spine, Bella is capable of cursing, F/M, Future Lemons, Slow Burn, and has like an actual normal human reaction to a breakup, and she doesn't deal with the breakup so unhealthily, anyone with eyeballs would pick Jacob okay, because i think we can all admit S.M. wrote her like she was a fucking psycho, blame the writer not the character, don't hate me, i'm just so mad about it, my version of New Moon, which i genuinely do not believe she is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-09-13 01:55:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16883415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicciCrowe/pseuds/NicciCrowe
Summary: The way New Moon should have been written god damn it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Longest Author’s note known to man warning:
> 
> Heeeeyyy guys! I know what you must be thinking. Hehe.  
> /NicciCrowe, what the fuck, you haven’t posted in like a year! And you abandoned your other fics. Also where is the D/s one with Bellamy and Clarke?! WHAT ABOUT ERIK AND CHRISTINE?! HELLO!!!!!!/  
> Aye, you’re correct. I started grad school, entered a new relationship, got a new job as an Athletic Trainer at a high school (yay!) and have been running around like a fuckin’ headless chicken trying to do Real Life Adult Things (which, by the way, is WAY harder than anyone ever said it was so fuck everybody for not warning me,) and also find inspiration to start writing again along the way, as well as balance everything else like lots and lots of delicate china teetering on my head like a Dr. Seuss character.  
> I was doing quite poorly at the balancing stuff until recently, when I finished my last EVER (E V E R) paper for grad school! *happy dance* and I realized that now that it’s done, I can take a big, giant, huge—sigh of relief. *lays on the ground, drained of all life for a few hours.*  
> I will get back to my Bellamy & Clarke fic, don’t you worry. I’m working on it.  
> And now, for your next question-  
> I won’t even let you ask it. ….. …..  
> Okay, Fine.  
> /Twilight?!/  
> Okay well lemme explain u a thing.  
> As a young girl, when Twilight first came out when I was in middle school (cringe) I was enamored with Edward. Team Edward this, Edward that, Edward Edward Edward Edward— (ad infinitum)  
> Recently, I was at my brother’s house babysitting my nieces, looking for something to watch cause they were asleep (finally) and what do you know, New Moon was on, and I decided to take a little trip down memory lane, mostly because I knew I was alone and no one was there to judge me.  
> And as I was watching I felt some indescribable emotion flare through me, starting in my chest and curling outwards until I realized my fists were clenched and I was practically shaking like I was gonna phase.  
> It was rage.  
> Hot, irrational, boiling rage that felt like it was going to explode out of my chest in a giant fount of flames.  
> And it was because I could not believe, watching with my own two Got Damn eyes, that Bella would be so fucking stupid as to not pick Jacob. GIRL!!! WTF U DOIN!!!  
> And I realized that that was adulthood speaking, (and also my grown-up, refined taste in men.)  
> So after exhausting every Jacob Bella fic I could find on AO3 and Fanfiction to try to satisfy my rage-craving, I finally caved to the inexplicable desire to… *heavy sigh* write my own.  
> I know, I know. But bear with me. The muse gets what She wants, and right now, she’s eyeing up a particularly delicious, russet-skinned man with rippling pecs and abs She could drool over for days and sink Her claws into without being asked twice.  
> Okay, so that might just be me, BUT.  
> Bear with me, I had to bang this one out, hopefully the rage-craving will be satisfied, and I can move on to other things, like The 100 fics, and maybe an OC story of my own. TBD. 
> 
> WITHOUT FURTHER ADO- My Jacob/Bella fanfiction set towards the beginning-ish of New Moon, AKA: WHAT SHOULD HAVE FUCKING HAPPENED IN THE GOD DAMN BOOKS I SWEAR TO GO—
> 
> *Sound of record scratching and the camera cuts to black*

 

 

_“You… don’t… want me?” I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded placed in that order._

_“No.”_

_I stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes. He stared back without apology. His eyes were like topaz—hard and clear and very deep. I felt like I could see into them for miles and miles, yet nowhere in their bottomless depths could I see a contradiction to the word he’d spoken._

_“Well, that changes things.”_

\--

 

My eyes opened, bleary as I registered the feeling of warm arms encircling, lifting me from the wet, moldering leaves on the forest floor. I shuddered, squeezing my eyes shut and involuntarily curling closer to the blazing heat as more tears leaked out of my eyes. I remember running after Edward, screaming his name in an agonized stupor, not wanting to believe it was over.

_No… no… it can’t be._

“It’s okay Bella, I’ve got you,” a gentle voice murmured above me, and I cracked my eyes open again to look at my savior. His dark face was unfamiliar to me, and I felt my brows pull together in confusion.

“Have you been hurt, Bella?” he asked, his voice deep and soothing as I felt my body begin to sway with his slow cadence as he carried me through the pitch black forest, the only light coming from a propane lamp swinging from one of his fingers below my knees. I vaguely wondered if it was uncomfortable for him to carry it that way, but he didn’t even seem bothered by my weight.

“No…” my voice was so hoarse it was barely a whisper, but he nodded as if he heard me clearly.

“My name is Sam Uley,” he began, but at my blank stare indicating I had no recognition of him, he continued, “Charlie sent me to look for you.”

That struck a chord, and I felt my breath hitch as I tried to pay more attention to what he was saying to me. Charlie mattered, if nothing else did. I knew I should probably be upset by a stranger carrying me through the forest, but there wasn’t much left in me to be upset. More deadened bemusement than anything. I hung limply in his arms, the only sound the soft rustling of leaves beneath his feet until finally I heard a low murmur of voices growing steadily louder as the light around us began to grow slightly brighter.

“I’ve got her!” Sam Uley called out in a booming voice, making me flinch slightly, and suddenly the volume in my ears felt like it was cranked up to maximum.

“ _Bella!_ ” I heard Charlie’s distressed cry, and I twitched, trying to crane my neck to see him. Sam must have been watching me closely as he fluidly took my cue and twisted so that I could see Charlie running across the yard towards me, naked panic suffusing his face. My shattered heart ached with love for him, and sorrow that I had caused him such pain.

“Char…lie…” I murmured, my voice sounding small. My hands that were curled against my chest moved haltingly forward as if to reach for him but my muscles didn’t seem to remember how.

A confusing swirl of faces moved over me, and as the babble rose in urgency I paid the most attention to Sam’s voice as it was the only one that made sense in the chaos, perhaps because my ear was pressed to his chest.

“No, I don’t think she’s hurt,” he told someone. “She just keeps saying ‘He’s gone’.”

Crap. Was I saying that out loud? I bit down on my lip, startled that I could feel such a hot, flushing emotion such as embarrassment through the dull pain pounding sluggishly through my chest. I wished it would go back to the numbness. That, at least, was easier to manage.

“Bella, honey, are you alright?” I turned my eyes back to Charlie, who was hovering worriedly next to Sam, his eyes glued to my face. I felt my face pucker, and I turned it abruptly into Sam’s shirt, unable to suppress a ragged sob.

“She’s fine physically, Charlie, but from what I gathered the l—Cullen left her there in the woods.

“Oh Bella… I’m right here, baby,” Charlie murmured, and I felt a coarse hand brush gently down my hair. Another ragged sob hitched in my chest, and I felt the swaying begin again as Sam carried me towards the house. “We’re almost home now, honey.”

I opened my eyes as I heard the distinctive sound of my front door opening, and looked dully at the tear stains I’d left on Sam’s bare chest. I frowned slightly, wondering at how odd it was he didn’t have a shirt on. Really, Bella? With everything going on, everything that happened, this is what you focus on? I continued with my idle internal monologue as Sam deposited me gently on the couch.

“I’m all wet,” I protested, my lip pouting a little and Charlie huffed a laugh, kneeling down beside me so his face was even with mine.

“I know baby, I know, but that doesn’t matter,” his voice was gruff, and his eyes looked suspiciously bright as he took in my state. My eyes slid over to Sam Uley, amazed again at how he seemed to fill up the entire room with his towering form. He reminded me of someone… I couldn’t put my finger quite on it just then, but it tugged at my memory, making me ache for something…

I realized while I was lost in my thoughts Charlie had sent someone to get blankets which were now being laid over top of me, and a grey-haired man I barely recognized filled my vision next as Charlie stepped back.

“Dr. Gerandy?” I frowned.

“That’s right dear,” he answered kindly, his deep brown eyes crinkling on the edges with his smile. “Are you hurt, Bella?”

“No…” I murmured, coughing when my voice cracked. “No,” I answered more surely, knowing it was a lie when I winced as my chest stabbed with fresh pain. _No. Don’t think about it._

I remembered suddenly Sam Uley’s same question, but phrased so differently. _Have you been hurt, Bella?_

Have I been hurt?

More than anything I’ve ever felt before.

Dr. Gerandy’s warm hand touched my forehead, and I flinched away from the bright pen light he shone into both of my eyes, blinking the spots out of my vision. His fingers touched the inside of my wrist, and I watched his lips as he counted silently while watching his wrist watch.

“What happened to you?” he asked gently, after getting the reading he needed, and I felt a tear leak unbidden out of the corner of my eye, sliding down my cheek to land on the couch cushion. I could taste bitter panic at the back of my throat and I stiffened.

“Did you get lost in the woods?” he pressed on in a soothing voice, forehead crinkling with concern. My gaze flickered to three tall, dark figures that entered the room—men from La Push, the Quileute Native reservation down on the coastline—the familiar face among them that I had been aching for before.

“Jacob…” I breathed as my eyes alighted on his worried face, and it seemed as if a string that had been holding him in place snapped and he rushed towards me, the couch dipping under his weight as he sat next to my curled legs.

“Hey Bells,” he murmured, lips pulling up in a sad smile as he gathered up one of my hands in his. His skin was so warm, and I registered faint shock in the back of my mind as my lip tugged up into a smile in response to him. His resulting beaming grin was like a warm ray of sunlight touching my soul.

My attention was pulled back to Dr. Gerandy who watched the exchange with a critical, knowing gaze, his dark eyes missing nothing. Charlie’s eyes looked like they were trying to crawl up into his hairline. I would have laughed at the comical thought if my chest hadn’t hurt so bad.

“Yes… I got lost in the woods,” I whispered, realizing my hand was clutching Jacob’s like a lifeline, but he didn’t seem to mind in the slightest. I shivered, the cold finally seeming to settle into my bones. The doctor nodded thoughtfully, gently probing the glands underneath my jaw. I saw Charlie’s face harden.

“Do you feel tired?” the doctor asked, and I tried to suppress another shiver, nodding and closing my eyes obediently, not before stealing a glance at Jacob whose face had slid back into worried concern. I could feel his thumb swiping soothingly back and forth over the back of my hand, and I latched onto that warm line like a lifeline, trying to regulate my breathing.

“I don’t think anything is wrong with her,” I heard Dr. Gerandy tell Charlie after a moment, his voice sounding farther away. “Just exhaustion. Let her sleep it off and I’ll come back to check on her in the morning,” he paused, looking down at his watch again. “Well, later today, actually.”

Jacob stayed next to me, switching hands so he could rub one up and down my arm gently. I felt his warmth seep into me, and I gripped his hand tighter, suddenly desperate for him not to leave me alone.

_Alone…_

I teetered dangerously on the edge of the numbness, balking away from the agony awaiting me if I delved too deep into my memory.

“Is it true?” I heard Charlie whisper, his voice now sounding from the edge of the room near the kitchen. I strained to hear. “Did they leave?”

“Dr. Cullen asked us not to say anything,” Dr. Gerandy answered, and I stiffened as sharp pain gashed the gaping hole across my chest. “The offer was very sudden; they had to choose immediately. Carlisle didn’t want to make a big production out of leaving.”

“A little warning might have been nice,” Charlie grumbled, and I had the strange urge to bark a laugh, but I knew if I tried it would come out more like a cry of anguish.

Dr. Gerandy sounded uncomfortable when he replied, “Yes, well, in this situation some warning might have been called for.

Jake seemed to notice me curling into myself at the conversation, and he shifted me forward suddenly, I frowned until I realized he was moving around until he was behind me, his arms wrapping around me tightly. I should have been embarrassed, or pushed him away from literally spooning me in the middle of my living room where everyone could see, but the minute his arms tightened around me I felt all the tension leave me. His warmth seemed to literally surround me, binding the edges of the hole in my chest together.

“Jake…” I murmured, and he shushed me gently, kissing my temple.

“It’s okay honey, I’ve got you. Go to sleep.”

For the first time, I didn’t fight it. I sighed, drifting in an out of awareness, Jacob’s steady warmth keeping me from teetering and falling over the edge into oblivion. The few times I shuddered, feeling close to crying again Jacob would tighten his arms around me until it subsided.

I heard Charlie whispering thanks to the volunteers of my search party one by one as they filtered out, heading home after a long, weary night of searching for me. I felt guilt seep into me, but it barely registered on top of the seething mass of pain I was trying to hold inside my chest.

I heard the familiar squeak of wheels rolling over the hardwood floors next to the couch, and felt Jacob lift his head long enough to nod at whatever Billy must have silently asked him. He kissed my head again before nuzzling back into my hair, his heartbeat steady and strong behind me. I realized vaguely that I was counting the beats, feeling them match mine perfectly.

The phone rang a couple times and I could hear Charlie rush to answer before it could wake me. He muttered reassurances in a low voice to the callers.

“Yeah we found her. She’s okay. She got lost. She’s fine now,” he said again and again.

I heard footsteps as he got closer, his voice in a very light whisper now.

“Jake, Harry is here to drive you and Billy home.”

Panic filled me, and I could hear my heart rate pick up unsteadily as I thought about Jake leaving me, the secure warmth of his arms was all that was holding me together.

“Charlie…” he whispered back, his voice full of reluctance. I hear the pleading note in his voice.

“It’s okay Charlie, if Jake wants to stay I’m alright with it. I think what Bella needs right now more than anything is a friend,” I heard Billy’s tumbling gravel voice say softly, close to the entryway. Charlie harrumphed a cough and grumbled his acquiescence after a moment, and I sent a fervent thank you to Billy with my mind.

Rationally, I knew I couldn’t keep Jacob here forever, but just tonight. At least tonight.

Searing pain shot through me again, and my muscles locked as I fought the impulse to curl over my chest. Jacob’s arm tightened around me until my breathing eased, and I went limp, utterly exhausted mentally and emotionally.

I listened to Billy’s departure, and the springs in the armchair creak as Charlie settled in for the night. Of course even in my state Charlie could never sanction me sleeping alone with a boy, I thought dryly.

A few minutes later, the phone rang again.

Charlie groaned as he struggled to his feet, and then he rushed, stumbling to the kitchen. I buried my head further against Jacob’s arm trying to block out the noise, and I felt his lips press against the side of my neck, sending a jolt of unfamiliar heat through me swiftly followed by confusion. _Huh?_

Struggling to process my body’s response to Jacob’s kiss in the midst of everything else I was dealing with, (or trying not to deal with,) I tried and failed to tune out Charlie’s conversation, not wanting to hear the same words again.

“Yeah,” Charlie said through a jaw-cracking yawn.

He listened for a long moment, his voice changing as he responded, much more alert. “Where?” There was a pause. “You’re sure it’s outside the reservation?” Another short pause. “But what could be burning out _there?_ ” he sounded both worried and mystified “Look, I’ll call down there and check it out, but it’ll be a little while before Billy and Harry get home… Yeah, they just left probably ten minutes ago… I realize that, but I can’t speed up the speed that they’re going,” Charlie sounded irritated, ending the call after a few more exchanges and a grumbled goodbye.

He waited a little while before punching in a number.

“Oh good, Billy, you’re home, it’s Charlie… no, she’s fine, still sleeping with, er—her and Jake are still sleeping,” he coughed over his stumble, and I pushed away the thought of whatever had shot through me when Jacob kissed my neck, listening with more interest to the conversation. “I just got a call from Mrs. Stanley, and she says that from her second story window she can see fires out on the sea cliffs, but I didn’t really… Oh!” suddenly there was an edge to his voice, of irritation or anger. “And why exactly are they doing that? Uh huh. Oh really?” he said it sarcastically. “Well don’t apologize to _me_. Yeah, yeah, just make sure they’re being responsible and that the flames don’t spread… I know, I know, I’m surprised they even got them lit in this weather.”

Charlie hesitated, then added grudgingly, “Thanks for bringing Sam and the other boys up. I’m afraid we wouldn’t have found her if it weren’t for him,” his voice got quiet, pained. He listened for a little bit, grunting in response to whatever Billy was saying. “Yeah, I think you’re right. I’m not sure how she’d be if he weren’t here, to be honest. Okay, well I’ll call you tomorrow about bringing Jake home. Yeah, I hear ya. Bye,” he ended, still slightly sour, before hanging up.

“What’s wrong?” I heard Jacob ask as Charlie came back into the living room.

“Sorry to wake you, Jake. Just some bonfires out on the cliffs,” he huffed. “Seems your friends are celebrating the news of the…” he trailed off, and seemed to think better of his word choice. The pieces clicked into place for me without him having to elaborate. “The move,” he ended lamely.

“Hmm, yeah, the Cullens are pretty unpopular on the reservation,” Jacob replied quietly, sounding evasive, but there was an undercurrent of defensiveness, like he was waiting for Charlie to argue with him about it.

“Well, you have to admit it’s a little ridiculous,” Charlie spluttered, and I felt Jacob tense behind me.

“It’s the legends,” I murmured, shocked that anything had come out of my mouth at all, though my voice sounded hollow.

“Bella! I’m sorry we woke you, honey,” Charlie was immediately by my side, checking me over as if he expected some new injury to have presented itself. Once he was satisfied, he settled back on the armchair, sitting closer to the edge this time.

The Quileutes had their legends about the “cold ones” or the blood-drinkers that were enemies of the tribe, just like they had their legends of the great flood and the wolf-men ancestors. Just stories, myths, to most of them. Though there were a few who still believed. Billy Black still believed, though even Jake thought it was all stupid superstitions. Something tugged at my memory, Billy warning me away from the Cullens, but also something else…

Just the thought of the name filled me with another astonishing, stabbing pain that took my breath away with its force.

“Bella?” Charlie asked quietly, and I came to, realizing I had been staring blankly into space for too long to be normal.

I looked at him uneasily.

“He left you in the woods?” he asked gravely, and I couldn’t meet his gaze anymore. The pain was threatening to overwhelm me. I felt a tremble run through me, and Jacob responded by stroking his fingers over the skin that peaked under my shirt next to my navel. I latched onto the sensation of warmth filtering through my skin, desperate to keep my head above water.

“How did you know where to find me?” I deflected, my mind shying away from the inevitable drowning I was facing.

“Your note,” Charlie said, his tone surprised. My eyes flashed back to his now, shock providing me an icy alertness. He reached into his back pocket and produced a much-abused piece of paper. It was filthy and damp, with multiple creases from being opened and folded multiple times. He unfolded it again, holding it out to me as evidence. The messy handwriting was eerily similar to my own, but I could easily spot the differences. I felt the icy alertness solidify and filter into my veins.

_Going for a walk with Edward up the path. Back soon, B._

“When you didn’t come back I called the Cullens, but no one answered. Then I called the hospital for Carlisle but Dr. Gerandy said they were gone.”

“Where did they go.” I meant it to come out as a question but my voice was monotone, wavering.

He stared at me, clearly alarmed. “Didn’t Edward tell you?”

I shook my head, recoiling. The clawing pain was cresting now, and I found myself pressing back into Jake, who held me tighter, whispering succor in my ear. I threaded my fingers through his; gripping so tightly I thought I must have been hurting him.

Charlie eyed me doubtfully as he answered. “Carlisle took a job at a big hospital in Los Angeles, I guess they threw a lot of money at him.”

I felt hysterical laughter bubble up into my throat, but by some miracle I held it at bay. Sunny Los Angeles, the last place in the damn _world_ the Cullens would go. The memory of the dream with his skin glinting in the sunlight flashed in my minds eye, and I pushed it away, choking on the scream that wanted to escape my throat at the pain from the memory of his face.

_Gone… they’re gone…_

Gone.

“Hey honey, I’m here.”

Jake’s whisper seemed to jolt me out of my spiral, and I felt myself take a huge breath, releasing the tension I hadn’t realized was stiffening my shoulders.

“Bella. I want to know if Edward left you alone out there in the woods,” Charlie insisted. I winced at the mention of his name again, but Jacob’s comforting arm around me held the demons at bay.

“It was my fault, he left me right on the edge of the trail, in sight of the house… but I tried to follow him.” I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head, cutting off what Charlie was about to say. “Please… dad… I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

Charlie was silent for a long moment, his eyes searching my face, then nodded.

“Alright. Now are you kids gonna be alright down here?” Charlie asked, a wave of awkwardness coming over the conversation.

“We’ll be fine, chief,” Jake answered easily, and I envied his ability to placate my father with a simple smile.

Charlie grumbled something, seeming torn between staying and being an overprotective father, and getting a good night’s sleep in his own bed.

Well, morning at this point.

I could see the sky fading to a lighter shade of blue through the window, and I grimaced, feeling the exhaustion pulling at me. After a brief internal struggle, Charlie stood, grumbling a goodnight with one last awkward glance towards the couch. I heard him shuffle upstairs, but I never heard his door click shut, and of all the things I wanted to roll my eyes.

“Thank god, I thought he would never leave,” Jacob joked quietly in my ear, and despite myself I felt the corner of my mouth pulling up.

“Stop it, Jake, he just… cares, a lot…” Jacob and I both chuckled at how unconvincing I sounded, and I sighed, feeling the pain twinge at my chest.

“Hey, Bella. Look at me.” I twisted a little in his grasp to meet his gaze, and I suddenly felt captivated in the deep, warm pools of his dark eyes. Some emotion I didn’t dare name swam in them, and I felt my mouth go dry. My neck tingled where he had kissed it. “You’re gonna be okay, you know that, right?” I tried to smile at him, but I knew he could see right through me. He leaned forward, pressing his warm, pliant lips against my forehead, and I marveled briefly at how different it was from…

_Nope. Don’t go there._

“Goodnight honey,” he sighed, his warm breath washing over my face. I felt my heart do a strange jump, and I turned fully so I was leaning half on top of him, my leg tucked between his. If his breath caught, I carefully chose to ignore it, and I nuzzled my face against his chest.

“G’night,” I mumbled, wishing I could have this warmth next to me always, like my own personal sun.

Even after everything that had happened to me, I felt my lips twitch upwards. My last thought before I drifted off to sleep— _Jacob… my sun._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, full disclosure, I went through a very serious, devastating, heart-wrenching breakup with the “love of my life” a few years back. It was very similar in pain-scale as the S.M. version of New Moon, however, I was able to process the pain and be a functioning human through it, because that’s how normal people deal with breakups. I found S.M.’s portrayal of depression very exaggerated, and I’m sure some people do experience that the way Bella did, but as someone who’s had clinical Major Depression, you’d be surprised at how easily some people can function through it, at least faking it, especially with the right support system, which Bella does indeed have. She has her friends, her dad, Jacob, even her mom just a phone call away. You can choose to spiral after heart break, or put on your big girl panties and forge forward like a fucking bad ass and not get hung up on some stupid boy, because let’s face it. Boys are stupid AF when they’re below the age of 32. And even then…  
> Therefore, my Bella deals with the break up in a more healthy way, she still has clinical depression, but she’s high-functioning, and it’s situational, not biological. I was practically engaged to the guy that broke my heart, and believe me, that’s a tough fucking thing to get over, so if I was able to get through it and be a stronger woman because of it, then god damn it, Bella can get over some skinny ass dead white boy.  
> Basically, I wanted the whole grieving process to be more realistic for Bella, especially if she had Jacob around from the very beginning, which I honestly think he would have been. Can you imagine him just sitting at home if Charlie had called and said Bella was missing? HELL NO! He would have found any way come hell or high water to get to Forks and help search, or at least be there for Charlie while they searched.  
> Bella is also a normal teenager in this story. With normal teenage **feelings**. That’s all I’ll say. Also that whole “he was my best friend, and I loved him, and it would never, ever be enough.” Was such bullshit and fatalistic and frankly ridiculous. You can not only love multiple people, but always, always come back from a major heart break. If you give into hopelessness then you’re only defeating yourself. Also, her whole comparing people to drugs is not only unhealthy but cringe-worthy and I will not stand by it!!!  
> Anyways, sorry for my soap box. On to the next one!

Finding the gifts gone was the worst part.

Bitterly my mind echoed his words: _It will be as if I never existed._ As if that could ever be the case.

Things progressed slowly, after that.

The initial shock of the break-up lasted well over a month, but almost every day I would come home from school, or work, and Jacob would be lounging on my couch, or sitting at my table chatting happily with me while I went around, doing my chores and cooking.

Jacob was everywhere.

On the days where I had no school or work, inevitably I would be dragged down to La Push to go exploring along the beach, hiking through the woods (and tripping, everywhere, to Jacob’s incessant teasing,) or visiting the tide pools. When it got too cold for those activities Jacob would bring me to his garage and we would sit and chat while he worked on cars, or showed me some of his carvings. He’d even given me a knife to try it for myself, and shockingly enough I could actually _do_ it. And I was getting better at it every time, to my genuine delight.

Who’d have guessed? Clumsy feet, steady hands.

At times I would almost feel exasperated that Jacob was constantly around me at every given moment, almost resentful that I had no time to wallow in my pain and misery. Frightful, even, when it seemed to lessen a little bit with every sunny smile he sent my way, every adventure he dragged me along.

I didn’t want to forget, and yet, remembering was too painful.

I was caught in a strange limbo, trying to resist the happiness he brought into my life, and yet unable to keep myself from basking in Jacob’s irresistible sunlight. If I let myself be happy, I’d be… I wasn’t sure, betraying myself? _Him_? I felt as though if I let go of my misery, somehow that would make it final, although I already knew, deep down where I couldn’t acknowledge it, that it was. The sadness was as much a part of me as my skin, I felt.

I wasn’t wanted.

I wasn’t enough.

School and work were a different story. School only reminded me more of _them_ , so as a result I spent every moment buried so deep in my studies I hardly had time to look up and notice the things happening around me. Homecoming came and went, and the drama amongst my friends passed without me even registering it. Many times I would catch myself in the middle of nodding and ‘hmm’-ing to Jessica as she rambled on about something or other happening but not remembering ever entering into the conversation in the first place. The few times they invited me out I politely declined, but finally in late November, Jessica shocked me out of my stupor by slamming her fist on the table, making everyone at the lunch table jump.

“That’s it, Bella! No more of this!”

I blinked in shock, staring at her as if she had thrown a bucket of water on my head.

“What!” I exclaimed, frowning at her. Crazy lady.

“It’s been almost _two_ _months_ , and I can’t let this slide anymore. What you need is a _girls night out!_ Nothing helps you get over a man better than a night out with the girls, shopping and talking about how awful they all are,” Jessica declared, and I made a face, shaking my head in protest. I noticed Mike and Tyler’s jaws drop in offense at Jessica’s statement, and I suppressed an eye roll. Ben just chuckled and shook his head, returning to his sandwich.

“I’m fine, really…” I insisted, but Angela wrapped a thin arm around me, leaning her head on my shoulder. I started at the unexpected, but surprisingly welcome contact.

“You’re still so sad, Bella. We just want to cheer you up, okay?” she said gently, smiling with such kindness in her eyes that I finally caved, my heart twanging with a small stab of gratitude and love. They were right, I just needed to get out of my own little world.

“Okay… fine,” I sighed.

“ _Yes!_ ” Jessica squealed at an octave that should have summoned a pack of wild dogs to the school. Angela and I winced in tandem, our eyes wide, then laughed quietly together. Jessica launched into the details, and I fell into a contented silence listening to them discuss the different store options in Port Angeles versus Seattle, and other logistics, nodding whenever appropriate, or even adding my own shy advice which was received with warm smiles and exuberance. I felt myself smiling in spite of myself.

Hell, maybe this would be fun after all.

When I got home from school, the house was eerily silent and empty. Frowning, I placed my hands on my hips, my eyes sweeping around, looking for anything amiss. I know for a fact I had asked Jacob to meet me at my house today so we could do homework together, and he should have been waiting for me. It had been a few days since I’d seen him and I was eager to feel relaxed again and less morose.

“Jacob?” I called, with no answer. My eye caught something on the kitchen counter, and I smirked, crossing my arms. There was an empty Oreo sleeve near the sink, with a few tell-tale crumbs scattered around it, and Charlie (for whatever ungodly reason) didn’t eat Oreos.

_A fresh trail._

“Guess he’s late today…” I sighed loudly, letting my bag thump heavily on the table while quietly creeping towards the living room. I held my breath, trying with all my might to walk steadily and silently, the anticipation building in me.

A floorboard creaked, and I grinned. _Gotcha_.

I stilled for a moment, waiting… waiting…

I launched myself without warning around the corner, just as Jacob sprang up from behind the couch yelling _Boo!_ I shrieked in shock, leaping an impressive height into the air as I screamed, somehow executing a somewhat graceful pirouette and hightailing it for the stairs without tripping over my foot. A miracle, really, considering my penchant for tripping over thin air.

Maniacal laughter sounded from behind me and I squealed, landing one foot on the bottom step of the stairs before two warm, large, arms wrapped around my middle and lifted me into the air. I shrieked again, laughing and squirming like a fish out of water to get out of his grip but he held me fast, adjusting his arms so he could tickle my sides mercilessly.

“Jake! _Jake!_ Ahhhahah— _JAKE!_ Stop! Please! Uncle! _Uncle!_ ” I screamed, gasping for air as I fought valiantly to free myself. What, was he taking _steroids_?! When had he gotten this strong?!

“Why would I stop when I’ve got you right where I want you?” he asked archly, biting my shoulder playfully where my shirtsleeve had slipped down. My jaw dropped at his brazenness.

“ _Eeviil!_ ” I yelled, pointedly ignoring the shiver that went through me at the feel of his teeth on my skin, his warm breath washing over me causing goose bumps.

“Did somebody say: EEVIILLL?” Jake yelled, misquoting one of our favorite episodes of Spongebob. I dissolved into giggles, feeling a lightness fill me that I never thought I would feel again. Jacob finally relented and set me down.

“Holy biceps, Jake. Have you been hitting the gym?” I accused, eyeing him suspiciously, then looking further up because if I wasn’t mistaken he’d grown, _again_. How was _that_ possible? I’d only just seen him a few days ago. Maybe I was just that unobservant. He preened under my scrutiny, brushing his silky dark hair away from his shoulders and puffing up his chest, flexing for me. I rolled my eyes, regretting the compliment and shaking my head. “And I see you haven’t bothered to stop growing in consideration for the less fortunate?” I snapped, and he laughed good-naturedly. I walked over to the couch, plopping down unceremoniously and he followed me.

Jacob had grown into even more of his potential in the last months since I’d started hanging out with him again. He’d passed the point where the softness of childhood hardened in to the solid, lanky build of a teenager; the tendons and veins had become prominent under the red-brown skin of his arms and his hands. His face was still sweet, though it had hardened, too—the planes of his cheekbones sharper, his jaw squared off, all childhood roundness gone. Since we’d been spending time together, I’d watched him steadily grow further and further away from my height, to my dismay, and this latest growth spurt only made the difference between our heights even more stark.

“Nope,” he popped the ‘p’, answering both of my questions and sat right next to me, not opting for the empty space on the other end of the couch, I noted. “Six five! And I’ve just been working on my car and stuff, I guess that involves _some_ heavy lifting,” he shrugged, still unable to hide his self-satisfied grin as he bragged about his ever increasing height and strength. I smirked, leaning back against the armrest, but that just invited him to grab up my legs and swing them onto his lap, resting his left hand on my bare ankles. I ignored the very warm feeling of his thumb tracing circles around the bump on the inside of my ankle, and focused on looking casual and unbothered by his penchant for touching me whenever he could.

I frowned. He really was warm. Almost _too_ warm.

“Are you okay, Jake?” I asked, grabbing one of his hands and feeling the hot flesh, looking at him slightly alarmed. He shrugged again, looking nonplussed.

“Guess I’m running a little _hotter_ these days,” he winked salaciously at me, and I rolled my eyes, shaking my head.

“You’re incorrigible, you know that right?” I said with mock disdain, but he just grinned at me.

“‘A person unable to be corrected, improved, or reformed’,” he quoted dutifully, and I raised my eyebrows, impressed.

“Wow, Jake. Guess my vocabulary _is_ rubbing off on you!” he laughed, threading his fingers through mine as if we did this every day. Although, come to think of it, we kind of did do this every day.

“Sure, sure. Now, I have a serious question for you,” he sobered, looking me in the eyes and for some reason I refused to name I felt my heart skip and my breath hitch in my chest.

“Yeah?” I asked, ignoring the nerves that fluttered through my chest unbidden.

“Do you have any more Oreos?”

“Jake!” I smacked his arm, flailing a bit to get off the couch but he just laughed, grabbing onto my wrist and holding on with a grip I had no hope of breaking.

“What! I’m hungry,” he whined, and I shook my head, huffing a laugh.

“You’re always hungry these days. I swear you could eat a horse if I cooked one up for you!”

“Mmm… Bella cooking…” he sighed contentedly, leaning back on the couch and rubbing his taut stomach. Wait… what? I shook myself mentally; astounded I even made such an observation about him. He was my friend. Jacob, the kid I used to make mud pies with in diapers. He was practically my brother. Right?

I squashed the internal part of me that opened her mouth to protest that, and focused back on the boy sitting in front of me, unhelpfully looking like he just stepped out of a commercial for dark wash jeans and tight black t-shirts.

_Bella. What the hell? Focus._

“Seriously. Incorrigible.” I enunciated, gently extricating myself from his grip and walking around the sofa to the kitchen. Jacob sprung up happily, trotting behind me like an excited puppy. I laughed, shaking my head and opening the fridge to rustle us up a snack. I could have sworn I heard a sharp intake of breath as I bent down to assess our options, brushing it off as nothing. My mind skittered quickly away from that dangerous thought pattern, focusing back on the present issue: feeding the bottomless pit otherwise known as my best friend. I set to making us some BLT’s.

Jacob and I had grown incredibly close over the last couple of months since the _incident_. It was some unspoken agreement between us (and Charlie, for that matter,) that we never spoke of it, or of that night we spent curled in each other’s arms, where I held onto him for dear life until I had slipped into unsettled dreams, the strange snuffling noise I had heard before being found by Sam Uley frequently featuring in those dark wanderings of my mind. To this day I wondered what it had been, but I tended not to dwell on that day too much, for obvious reasons.

Having Jacob in my life was like wearing a life vest in a tempest. The waves still crashed over at times, and sometimes I couldn’t help but inhale some water, but I always found my way back to the surface, always coughed up the water that would have otherwise drowned me. I know without him I would never have coped as well as I had, and we both knew that he was a vital part to keeping me a functioning human being. After overhearing him and Charlie talking quietly in the kitchen about it one weekend morning when they thought I was still asleep, I quietly accepted to myself that I had had an... _unhealthy_ sort of attachment to _him_. I still refused to say his name in my head, my mind automatically shying away from the pain. Just because I had admitted it to myself didn’t make it any easier. If anything it only filled me with more guilt and self-loathing.

The worst days were when school or work kept me from seeing Jacob, or vice versa for him. It wasn’t realistic that I would, or even should see him every single day, but I still felt disappointed every time I came home and had to be alone, or couldn’t go down to La Push to visit him. Those were the days I felt the hopelessness the most.

It was difficult, but it was getting better, and I knew I was a fool if I didn’t admit to myself that Jacob not only was a huge part in my recovery, but in my life now as well. We were inseparable again, just like when we were kids, except the dynamic had shifted ever so subtly.

Jacob would leave lingering touches on me at every opportunity. If he was giving me a hug, he’d trail his hands along my back as we separated. When we held hands, he would always brush his thumb over my skin in soothing strokes. When we watched movies together, it was always smushed together on the couch, and every so often, when it would get late enough, he would reach over to subtly grab the remote, turn the volume down, and pull me closer into his arms and we would fall asleep like that. I never once protested or pushed him away, and I wondered if some selfish part of me only wanted him around so I wouldn’t fall apart at the seams.

A deeper part of me knew better, but I always slammed the door in her face whenever she tried to pipe up. I couldn’t, no— I _wouldn’t_ acknowledge that. It was far too dangerous. Jacob’s friendship was everything to me now, and I would do nothing, ever to compromise that. Jacob was as necessary to me as sunlight.

If I lost him, then I would truly lose everything.

“Hey! Earth to Bella!” Jacob’s voice shattered my reverie, and I blinked in surprise, grinning sheepishly at him. His smile was teasing, but his eyes darted over my face worriedly, checking to see if I was really okay. With a deep breath, I allowed myself to smile easier, and I brought over the sandwiches I had been making quietly while lost in my thoughts.

“Sorry, just daydreaming,” I admitted with a slight laugh. His dark eyes glittered, and he took an eager bite out of one of his three sandwiches I’d set before him, waggling his eyebrows ridiculously.

“Finn-kin ab-oo ‘ee?” he winked, and I rolled my eyes, making a face at him. I got up again to grab a water bottle from the fridge and sat down, taking a large swig of it, holding it out to him. He nodded in thanks, taking a big gulp and gasping when he’d finally managed to swallow the giant bite of food he’d taken.

“Damn, Bella! These are _so_ good,” he moaned, and I grinned tightly, clenching my fist under the table to ignore the she-devil inside me doing a little hip-shimmy victory dance at the noise he’d made.

Take breath in, exhale, smile. Play it cool.

“Thanks Jake-y,” I said, taking a bite of my own. They were actually quite good, and I chipmunk-cheek grinned at him, causing him to nearly spit out his own bite of food. We goofed off for a little while longer, each trying to make the other person spit out their food when I heard keys jingle at the front door.

“Bells?”

“Kitchen!” I called, slapping Jake’s hand away that had been creeping towards the second half of my sandwich. “You already had three!” I hissed at him, ignoring his puppy dog eyes and pouting lips. He knew what that look did to me. I scowled at him, shifting my plate closer to myself, taking another defiant bite out of my sandwich while he pouted.

“Oh hey, Jacob! How’s it going?” Charlie greeted, toeing off his boots with a hand on the doorjamb.

“Oh, you know, just being denied sustenance by your cruel daughter,” he sniffed dramatically, performing an elaborate lean with his hand over his heart, eyes looking longingly into the distance. I snorted, very un-ladylike.

“Or trying to eat _my_ sandwich when you already had _three_ ,” I glared at him, smacking his hand at another theft attempt. Charlie chuckled at our antics, ruffling my hair as he passed. I scowled at him, but the split second I was distracted by fixing my hair back into place Jacob snatched up the rest of my sandwich and stuffed half of it into his face.

“Jacob!” I shrieked, lunging across the table but he’d already leapt up with astonishing speed, evading my grasp.

“Whoa,” he laughed, steadying himself against the back of the chair as if he’d surprised himself. I blinked, frowning. Huh. He’s really gotten fast. He _must_ be working out and just not admitting it to me.

“Okay Speedy Gonzalez,” I joked, trying to laugh it off, and Jake relaxed again, munching happily on the rest of my sandwich with a cheeky smile. I nonchalantly walked over to the pantry, and grabbed the last sleeve of Oreos, making a point to slowly open them and pop one in my mouth. He stared, eyes wide in hurt as if I had just flipped him the bird.

“You wouldn’t…” he swallowed and muttered. I grinned smugly.

“Watch me.”

Charlie sat down, unperturbed as another chaotic chase ensued around the kitchen. He took a sip of his coffee, propping open the newspaper like absolutely nothing was occurring around him.

“Dad! DAD! Help!” I screamed, holding the Oreos as far away as I could through the bars of the stairs, which we had ended up on again. Jacob was practically lying on top of me, trying to sidle forward so he could reach the prize. “ _Gerroff_ me you big, overgrown lump!” I griped indignantly, trying to buck him off of me, but I quickly realized my mistake.

We both froze at the suddenly apparent intimate position we were in, and I could feel something firm stir against my backside.

           Heat suffused me, unbidden, and I felt a blush steal up my chest, heating my face mercilessly. The shuffle of the newspaper jolted us out of our frozen shock, and we sprung apart like we’d been electrocuted. I could tell my face was still beet red, and I clutched the Oreos to my chest, eyes wide. Jake was staring at me, chest heaving slightly, a dangerous glint in his half-lidded eyes I’d never seen before as he stared at me, almost…hungrily?

“I—uh… Uh…” Ah, yes. So articulate, Ms. Swan. Thank you for your contribution.

 Jake shook his head vigorously, the expression clearing instantly from his face before he smiled easily, shrugging and moving back to the kitchen like nothing had happened, leaving me standing by the stairs like a deer in the headlights. The foreign sensation still swirled around in me, leaving heat in places I knew had no business being warm.

Well, this was an issue.

Just then the phone rang shrilly, causing me to jump again. Shaking my head like Jacob had, I attempted to collect myself as I tripped into the kitchen, picking it up and trying to sound like a normal human.

“Sw—Swan residence!” I chirped, turning and cringing at how unnecessarily squeaky my voice had come out. I coughed, glancing back at the table where Charlie was still sipping his coffee, engrossed in the newspaper, and Jacob was sitting, gazing at me pensively, for once his trademark smile replaced by a calculating tilt to his mouth as his dark eyes swept over me. He noticed me looking, and one corner of his mouth pulled up, making that Feeling jolt through me again.

“Hey, Bella! It’s Jess!” I swallowed heavily, taking a deep breath and trying to focus on the conversation I was having.

“Hey Jess, how’s it going?” We chatted for a little bit, then she brought up the Port Angeles trip, asking what date would work best for me.

“Umm… I have work on Thursday after school, so how about Friday?” I leaned my hip against the counter, twirling the phone cord in my hand. “That way even if we get back right at curfew we won’t have to stay up late to do homework and we can sleep in the next morning!”

“Ooh… good point. You’re _so_ right, Bella! Okay, I’ll call Angela and double check with her. Eee! I’m so excited!” She gushed for a few more moments, and I made the appropriate noises when necessary before she excused herself to call Angela.

“What was that, Bella?” Jacob’s voice brought me back to the present, and I felt collected enough to turn around and meet his gaze. I smiled, ignoring the memory of his hard body pressed into my back, pinning me…

“Um… Jessica and Angela and I are planning a girls night trip to Port Angeles,” I replied, my gaze cutting to Charlie. He grunted, nodding, and I raised an eyebrow, assuming that was permission. Jake grinned, standing up from the table and walking around it to come towards me.

“Sounds fun! Wanna watch Star Wars?”

“Uhhh, hell yeah?” I answered as if he had asked the most obvious question in the world.

“Have fun, kids,” Charlie trailed off absentmindedly, and Jake and I giggled, rolling our eyes in unison, heading to the living room. We could have been talking about committing bank robbery and Charlie probably would have said the same thing. You just don’t get between that man and his sports columns.

Glad that Jacob and I seemed to be back on relaxed terms, I plopped on the couch while Jacob searched through our DVD’s to put in Episode IV, then standing up, he switched off the lamp in the living room, plunging us into darkness, as the sun had already set outside.

Oh, crap.

He sat down next to me, still choosing to be close to me rather than on the other side of the couch, and I tried to swallow around the strange dryness in my mouth. He slipped his arm over my shoulders casually, like we always did, and as the opening symphony came on with the rolling yellow text creeping across the screen, I felt the electricity build.

I was excruciatingly aware that every inch of my outer left thigh and side was pressed against Jacob’s. I fit so perfectly against his chest I seemed to almost melt into him, and I tried not to go rigid at the feeling, aiming for playing it cool. I begrudgingly let my mind dredge up the memory of sitting in my dark biology classroom, watching a very different movie with a very different boy.

I ignored the small ache of pain at the memory, deciding to push it away. It still hurt me most days, but I found that every day was getting a little easier to breathe, to get out of bed, to smile, to just enjoy being alive.

Jacob helped bring me out of my shell in more ways than one. I was naturally shy and soft spoken, but with Jacob I could laugh as loud as I want, joke and run around like a little kid as we had earlier, fighting over the Oreos. I found myself smiling as I replayed the silly altercation over in my head, and I let my head lean further on Jacob’s chest, basking in the heat that seemed to pour off him in waves. It really was astounding how warm he was; if he didn’t seem perfectly fine I would have worried he was having a fever. He answered by turning his head and dropping a brief kiss against my hair.

Uh-oh.

I felt that unnamed feeling course through me again at the touch of his lips, and I swallowed hard, clenching my fists tightly. The ending of the Oreo Chase came to mind again where I had dutifully glossed over it before, and I ground my teeth together, trying to suppress the sensation that was causing heat to pool in my lower abdomen against my will.

Breathe. In. Out.

“You okay honey?” Jake whispered in my ear, taking my deep breath for a sigh, and I fought a shiver at his husky tone. His voice had grown even deeper than it was months ago, and it was having an unfortunate effect on me. I wasn’t naïve enough to not know what was happening in my body, but I felt as though if I kept myself from putting a name to it then somehow it would affect me less, and it would change nothing.

“Yeah I’m good,” I murmured back, and he dropped another kiss on my hair.

 _Jake…_ I groaned internally, my heart doing strange flips in my chest. _Wait, no, this can’t be happening!_

I jumped up before I even knew what I was doing, and looked down at Jacob’s confused face in the dim lighting of the TV. I smiled quickly, making a bathroom excuse and darted out of the room, only tripping once.

Once I was inside with the door securely closed, I leaned back against it and took several huge gulps of air. Jacob was my friend. Jacob and I were _best_ friends. We’ve known each other since we were kids. He was like my brother.

 _Liar._ That treacherous voice in my head whispered and I shook my head as if to dispel the inappropriate thought. I splashed some cold water on my face and completed my other ablutions. In the bright light of the bathroom, alone, I felt a little steadier. I chanted my _Jacob is my friend_ mantra in my head, not sure who I was trying to convince harder: myself, or that smug voice in my head.

I walked back to the living room, fully planning on sitting on the far end of the couch from Jake but he had stretched across it in my absence, taking up the whole length. He grinned at me, and I scowled, eyeing the armchair, but he opened his arms and my traitorous feet carried me forward without asking me.

I was almost robotic as I tried to lie as innocently as possible against him, but there was no helping it in this position. I tried desperately to ignore the fact that his thigh was now pressed against the heat between mine that had flared up as soon as I touched him again. My jaw worked, clenching as I tried to relax, but the heat only flared hotter.

Oh god, oh god, oh god…

Against my will, my body was suddenly screaming for friction. I knew exactly what it wanted, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. I felt like I was betraying everything I had been holding on to since… since _they_ left.

Clearly, my body didn’t give a damn. I tried desperately to listen to Charlie in the kitchen, but it sounded as if he was on the phone. He was my best defense against my own rioting teenage hormones.

“Bells, Jake, I’m heading out. Some report of a missing hiker up north. Will you two be okay for dinner?” he called out from the kitchen, and I could hear him gathering his gear in the front hallway. I opened my mouth to reply but Jacob beat me to it.

“We’ll be good, Charlie! Be safe,” he called, and I bit my lip, focusing on R2D2 and C3PO making their way through the desert of Tatooine rather than the wild thoughts that flew through my mind at possibly _not_ being good, and it had nothing to do with food.

What the hell was wrong with me?

“Bye dad,” I called lamely, and listened with dismay to the front door close with a resounding bang, and with it, my last line of defense. I was pretty sure I was the only teenage girl to ever be disappointed about being left alone with a boy.

Jacob shifted as if to get more comfortable, his thigh moving up just a half inch too high, and I felt the breath whoosh out of me softly at the sparks shooting through me as Jacob unwittingly provided the friction my body was craving. My breathing became a little more ragged as I tried and failed to pay attention to the screen.

I could feel Jacob’s blazing heat through the fabric of my jeans, and it was only making the responding ache in my core worse. It took every ounce of self-control in my entire being not to arch my hips forward and grind down on the hard muscle of his thigh. Just the thought of doing so made my head spin with want. I was quickly losing the battle against my baser instincts, when the phone rang shrilly.

I shot up like a bullet from a gun, being careful not to meet Jacob’s eyes as I practically sprinted into the kitchen, picking up the phone.

“Hello?” I breathed, almost sounding like I had run a mile to answer the phone. So many sensations were pulsing through me I could barely think straight enough to register the gravelly voice on the phone.

“Hi Bella, sweetie, it’s Billy. Is Jacob still at your house?”

“Oh, yeah, we’re just watching a movie,” I replied, my voice way too high, like I’d been caught doing something wrong.

_Well, we could have been—_

Shoving that thought deep down into the abyss where I wouldn’t ever find it again, I focused on what Billy was saying.

“Ah, okay. Would you mind sending him home in a little while? Sorry to cut off your time so soon, I finished up my visit at the Clearwaters and this old man is tired and ready for bed.” I found myself frowning in disappointment.

“Sure, sure. I’m guessing someone dropped him off so I’ll drive him home in half an hour, is that okay?” I wondered who Jake had gotten a ride from, he hadn’t said before. Come to think of it, I didn’t know half the time how Jake got to my house; he just kind of seemed to appear out of nowhere.

“Yeah, Harry and I dropped him off before running some errands earlier. Sounds great, Bella. Enjoy your movie.”

“Thanks, Billy. See ya.” I hung up, taking a deep breath, and solidifying my resolve, walked back to the living room.

“Seriously? He wants me home already?” Jacob whined, pouting; I smiled wryly at him, trying to placate him.

“We hang out all the time, Jake. He probably feels like I’m monopolizing you,” I teased. The annoyance drained out of him quickly and grinned at me, reaching for my arm before I could do anything else and he pulled me back on top of him.

Crap, crap, crap, crap.

“True, but I don’t mind. Well, if we only have half an hour left I wanna enjoy it with you,” he sighed, and I squeezed my eyes shut, praying for the strength to resist my treacherous body.

I managed to move and half wedge myself between Jacob and the couch, so that the apex of my thighs wouldn’t be flush against him. If he noticed, he didn’t say anything, only held me tighter, stroking his thumbs over my back.

Too soon, I checked the time on the wall and I sighed, pushing myself upwards to move off the couch. I made the mistake of looking down at Jacob, and what I saw took the breath out of my lungs.

His eyes were dark, glittering with some unnamed emotion as he stared up at me. I was keenly aware of my compromising position, practically astride him halfway through getting up off the couch. His hands moved down to rest on the gentle swell of my hips, and I watched his gaze flicker down towards my lips briefly before locking eyes with me again.

_What about Edward?_

The thought slammed unbidden through my mind, and I recoiled like I’d been slapped. I stood quickly, masking my panic with a long, faked yawn as I felt the edges of the wound in my chest ooze freshly. Though I’d only paused above Jacob for a moment, the repercussions of what had been exchanged, unspoken between us was undeniable.

Desperately, I knew I had to put an end to this before it could get any worse. I couldn’t lose Jacob’s friendship. I couldn’t betray my heart when I knew I still loved someone else. I was too broken. He deserved better.

“Well, guess it’s time to go,” I said with fake enthusiasm, walking to go get my shoes. I looked back and saw fleeting disappointment clouding Jacob’s face, before he smiled; back to the Jacob I was used to. _My_ Jacob.

“Sure, sure, though I hate ending movies in the middle of them,” he sighed, and I ignored the way his eyes flashed over me quickly and the responding ache in my body.

The drive back to the rez seemed to end too soon for either of us, as we sat in the cab of the truck chatting for a little while before I saw Billy peek his head through the curtains, as if to see what was taking Jake so long. He groaned, shooting me a pout and I laughed, holding up my hands.

“Hey, I wasn’t the one that wanted you home so soon,” I joked. Something shifted in his face, and he gave me a small smile.

“I know.”

After a slightly longer than usual pause he reached over and gave me a long, squeezing hug. I huffed, all the air being forcibly pushed from my lungs.

“J-ake! Air!” I gasped, and he finally relented, laughing and jumping out of the truck.

“See ya later, Bells!” he gave a cheery wave and jogged towards the house. I saw Billy’s face peek once more out of the curtain before I threw the truck in reverse and drove back home, mulling over the predicament I was quickly finding myself in.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> babababaaaaaaaaa   
> here you go!

Jacob called me the next day after school, asking me if I wanted to head down to the rez for the day. I agreed readily, Charlie had already told me he’d be bogged down at work most of the day due to the missing hiker and I didn’t want to be alone if I could help it.

I ran upstairs quickly to get changed, brushing through my hair in an effort to tame it. I had got caught in the light drizzle between classes and it was sticking up in strange places as a result.

I slipped my rain boots back on and put up the hood on my winter jacket, shivering as I stepped outside. November was frigid here, and I knew I was in for a rude awakening for how cold it really would get. I yearned briefly for the mild winters in Phoenix, where a chilly 45 was the lowest it ever dared to dip. I snorted, climbing into my truck and starting the ear-splitting engine.

As I drove through the misty back roads to get to the highway, I found myself uneasily reminded of the nightmares I’d been having. Most mornings I awoke in a cold sweat, and more than once I’d even woken up screaming. My nightmare probably wouldn’t even frighten someone else. There was nothing, really. Only nothing. Just an endless maze of moss-covered trees, so quiet that the silence was an uncomfortable pressure against my eardrums. It was dark, like dusk on a cloudy day, with only enough light to see that there was nothing to see. I hurried through the gloom without a path, always searching, searching, searching, becoming more and more frantic as time stretched on, trying to move faster though the speed made me clumsy. And always, there would come a point in my dream when I realized I couldn’t remember what it was that I was searching for. When I realized that there _was_ nothing to search for, and nothing to find. That there had never been anything but this empty, dreary wood, and there would never be anything more for me… nothing…

That was usually when the screaming started, or I jolted awake in bed on the verge of tears, or already crying. The few times that Charlie had run inside to see if I was alright, I could see his helplessness and couldn’t help but sink further into my guilt for doing this to him.

_It will be as if I never existed._

Yeah, bull shit.

What a stupid and impossible promise to make, I thought bitterly. He could steal my pictures, and reclaim his gifts, but that didn’t put things back the way they were before I met him. The physical evidence was the most insignificant part of the equation. _I_ was changed, my insides altered almost past the point of recognition, though I may not have changed outwardly besides chronic purple shadows below my eyes. I wondered how much different I would look if I didn’t have Jacob around, and I grimaced, not wanting to go down that path of thought.

As if he never existed? As if. The very thought was insanity. It was a promise that was broken the moment it left his lips. I felt a sliver of anger fill me at the thought, shocking myself. I wasn’t typically an angry person, but something inside of me was rearing its head up, teeth bared at the very thought.

I wasn’t paying attention to where I was driving, and I had made a wrong turn, heading back towards the neighborhoods. I sighed, annoyed at my wallowing and knowing I’d have to apologize to Jacob for being late until I saw something catch my eye by the side of the road. Slowing to a stop, I put my truck into park, the beginning threads of an idea brewing.

_Don’t do anything reckless._

I narrowed my eyes at the dull echo of the words he’d said, but something clicked inside me when I heard them, staring at the hand printed sign: FOR SALE, AS IS beside two dilapidated motorcycles in front of the Markses house I was parked beside, and I actually felt a slow smile tug at my lips.

Who was he to demand things of me while leaving me in the dust, while he couldn’t even keep the promises he gave me? Where was the logic in sticking to an agreement that had already been violated by the other party? Who the hell cared if I was reckless and stupid? There was no reason for me to avoid recklessness, no reason why I shouldn’t get to be stupid.

The warm current of rebellion zinged through me and I pulled up my hood, stepping decidedly out of the cab of my truck.

Reckless in Forks—now there was an interesting proposition.

Reckless and stupid were Charlie’s two favorite words to apply to motorcycles.

Charlie’s job didn’t get a lot of action, barring the recent turn of events, compared to cops in bigger towns and cities. With the long, wet stretches of freeway twisting and turning through the forest, blind corner after blind corner, there was no shortage of _that_ kind of action. Even with the huge log-haulers barreling around the corners, most people walked away. The exceptions to that rule were motorcycles, and Charlie had seen too many victims, almost always kids, smeared on the highway, lives ended far too soon. He’d made me promise before I was ten that I would never accept a ride on a motorcycle. Even at that age, I didn’t need to think twice before promising. Who in their right mind would want to ride a motorcycle _here_? It would be like taking a sixty-mile-per-hour bath.

So many promises I made…

The thought solidified right then. I wanted to be stupid and reckless. I wanted to break the promises I’d made. Why stop at one?

Decision made, I sloshed through the rain and rang the Markses doorbell.

One of the younger boys answered the door, I think he was a freshman, and I couldn’t remember his name. His sandy hair only came up to my shoulder.

“Bella Swan?” he asked in surprise. Shocker that he would remember _my_ name.

“How much do you want for the bikes?” I asked, trying to sound casual like I wasn’t in the full swing of my first real teenage rebellion.

“Are you serious?” his eyebrows shot up even further, almost hidden by his shaggy bangs.

“Of course I am,” I smiled, trying to be friendly.

“They don’t work.”

I sighed impatiently—this was something I’d already deduced from the sign. “How much?”

“If you really want one, just take it. My mom made my dad move them down to the road so they’d be picked up with the garbage.” He shot a sullen look behind his shoulder.

I glanced at the bikes again, registering that they were resting on a pile of yard clippings and dead branches. “Are you positive about that?”

“Sure, you wanna ask her?”

 “No, that’s fine!” I definitely didn’t want word circling back to Charlie about this. “Alright, I believe you. Can you help me move it? They look kinda heavy.”

He grinned, nodding, eager to show how strong he was, no doubt.

“If you’re taking one you might as well take the other one. Maybe you could scavenge some parts,” he offered, and I thought about it for a second. He did have a good point.

“Hmm… yeah, you’re probably right.”

He followed me out into the downpour, helping me load the bikes into the bed of my truck.

“What are you going to do with them?” he asked. “They haven’t worked in years.” I pursed my lips, wondering how much I should reveal to him.

“Yeah I kinda figured. Maybe I’ll take them to Dowling’s,” I shrugged.

He snorted. “Dowling would charge more to fix them than they’d be worth running.”

I couldn’t argue with that. John Dowling had garnered a reputation around these parts as a notorious swindler. No one went to him except in dire emergencies. Most people preferred to take the drive up to Port Angeles, if their car could make it. I’d been very lucky in that aspect, when Charlie had first gifted the truck to me I’d been worried about the cost of repairs, but I’d never had a single issue with it. Well, besides the earsplitting roar of the engine and my fifty-five-mile-per-hour speed limit. Jacob had kept it in great shape when it belonged to Billy…

Inspiration struck me like a bolt lightning, and I wanted to laugh at how obtuse I’d been. “Actually, my best friend builds cars! He’ll be able to help me!”

“Oh, that’s awesome!” he smiled in relief.

He waved as I pulled away. Friendly kid.

I got back onto the road towards my destination, full focus on where I was driving now. Before long I was pulling into the Black’s driveway and I saw Jacob’s head peak out from behind the curtain as he undoubtedly heard the approach of my truck. I could see his grin from here, and he met me halfway to the house before I could even pick my parking space.

“You’re late, loca! I was wondering if you were gonna ditch me!” he made a face, then laughed and stuck his tongue out at me and I couldn’t help but grin back, shaking my head. His happiness was infectious.

“Sorry Jake! I had to pick up a couple of things before I got here,” I said archly, eyes darting towards the bed of my truck. He followed my gaze, jaw dropping in awe.

“No way, Bella! That’s so cool!”

I opened the door of my truck, stepping carefully out into the wet gravel. “Hold your judgment, they’re as dead as doornails, but with a little love…” I trailed off suggestively, and he whooped in excitement.

“Hell yeah! I can fix these babies no problem! But come inside, you’re already soaked, honey,” as if to solidify his point he twisting his long black hair with his big hands before tying it off with an elastic he had around his wrist. I bit my lip, trying to ignore how the few pieces that fell out of the messy bun framed his face and accentuated his high cheekbones, and followed him in, eager to get out of the rain.

“Hey dad, Bella’s here,” Jacob called as we stepped inside, pulling off our shoes.

Billy was in the tiny square living room, a book in his hands. He set the book in his lap and wheeled himself forward when he saw me.

“Hello sweetheart, you’re looking well,” he smiled, and I ducked my head at the compliment. I bent down and wrapped my arms around him in a soft hug.

“Thanks, Billy. Charlie says to say hi,” I said, even though I hadn’t actually spoken to my dad. It was a given, though, so I always added it.

“Yes, well you tell your old man he owes me a fishing trip! He had to cancel on me the other day,” Billy scowled, and Jacob and I shared a knowing look.

“Sure, sure. I’ll let him know,” I smiled, and sat on the couch with Jacob.

“Can you stay for dinner?” Billy asked eagerly.

“I’m not sure. I have to feed Charlie, you know.”

“Well I can call the old boy up now, maybe he’d like to come down!” Billy suggested. “He’s always invited.”

I laughed to hide my discomfort. The thought of Charlie so near to the bikes put me on edge, and I shrugged. “Maybe another day, Jacob and I have been hanging out with him a lot, lately. Plus I think I’ll be opting to spend more time here anyways, Forks is getting a little redundant,” I smiled at Jacob, who looked like Christmas had come early. “So much so you guys’ll get sick of me.” After all, once Jake fixed the bikes someone had to teach me how to ride them.

Billy chuckled in response. “Okay then, maybe next time.”

“So Bella, wanna see the Rabbit? She’s almost finished!” Jacob asked, all excited innocence, and I eagerly agreed. Billy told us to have fun, and went back contentedly to his book. I’m sure he was more than pleased about my spending time with Jacob, especially now that his warning to me last spring was moot. I was all too safe now.

I was going to see what I could do about that, though.

Jacob and I moved the bikes stealthily to the garage one by one, which was conveniently concealed from the house by a thick stand of trees and shrubbery. I gawked at his ability to lift them easily out of the truck, remembering them to be much heavier than he was acting like they were. What was in the water here? The garage was no more than a couple of big preformed sheds that had been bolted together with their interior walls knocked out. I loved it immensely. Inside raised on cinderblocks was what looked to me like a completed automobile.

“Oh, Jake! It looks great! You’ve done so amazing with it!” I gushed, in awe of his skill. He smiled, grabbing me up in a huge, bone-crushing hug and spun me around in a circle and we laughed.

“All she needs is a few more tweaks then we can take her on the maiden voyage!” he crowed, and set me down, but didn’t step away like someone normally would. I craned my neck to look up at him, and my heart pounded at the expression in his eyes.

Swallowing thickly, I used the excuse of wanting to see the car up closer to step away, and he let me exit his grasp with only a flash of disappointment in his eyes. My heart was pounding in my throat, and I needed to clear my head before I did something rash that would mess up our friendship.

“So what do you know about motorcycles?” I asked, returning to our main objective.

He shrugged. “Some, my friend Embry has a dirt bike. We work on it together sometimes.”

“So you really think you can get those up and running?” I jerked my thumb behind me at the two sad looking heaps of metal.

He raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms with a cocky smile. “Are you doubting my _extensive_ abilities?”

“Noo, I was just wondering!” I laughed, holding up my hands in surrender. “The thing is though,” I returned to being serious. “You know how Charlie hates motorcycles. We gotta keep this under wraps, okay?”

“Sure, sure.” Jacob’s easy attitude was infecting me with hope, and I knew that this was going to be one hell of a project for us.

“I’ll pay you for the work, and—” He cut me off before I could continue.

“Oh hell no! You’re not paying for shit, Bella!” he looked genuinely offended, and I backtracked.

“Okay, okay. But… how about a trade, then?” I pursed my lips, trying to think of something, anything I could give him in return for helping me out. “Well… I’ll need lessons once they’re finished, and I only need one bike. How about this, when you’re done, I’ll give you one of the bikes, and you give me lessons. Deal?”

“Swee-eet. Deal!” Jacob held out his pinky, and I curled mine around his, then we crossed over with our other arms linking our other pinkies.

“Double pinky-swear!” I laughed, then another though occurred to me. “Wait a minute, you’re not even sixteen yet!” I smacked my forehead with the heel of my hand. “You’re not legal to drive!”

Jacob scoffed. “Rules are different on the rez. Plus, this will take me well over two months to do and by that time I’ll turn sixteen and we’ll be all set. No worries.”

I was mollified, and nodded in assent.

“Speaking of, what are you, forty?” he teased me.

I sniffed, crossing my arms. “Close.”

“Well since I missed your birthday, we can have a joint party to make up for it.”

“Sounds like a date.”

His eyes sparkled at the word, and I wanted to kick myself in the shin for not thinking through my word choice. Rein it in, Bella. Rein it in.

While I was scolding myself internally, Jacob had moved over to the bikes, giving them an appraising look. “They’re not half bad. This one here will actually be worth something when it’s finished—it’s an old Harley Sprint.”

“That one’s yours, then!”

“What? Really?” Jacob looked at me, touched, and I shrugged, crossing my arms, self-conscious.

“Of course Jake. You don’t have to be helping me out with this but you are, you deserve something nice out of it.”

“Well I’ll get to be spending time with you,” he said quietly, and I smiled again, feeling my heart break a little. Jacob was so good, so pure. He deserved so much better than me. He looked over the bikes again, making mental tallies I had no hope of understanding. “These will need some cash, though,” he frowned down at the blackened metal. “We’ll have to save up for parts first.”

“Oh please,” I waved away his concern. “I have some money saved up. If you’re doing this for free the least I can do is pay for the parts.”

“I don’t know…” he muttered, and I smacked him on the arm.

“Seriously, Jake. Don’t worry about it. I’ve got plenty of wiggle room with my college fund and everything.” _College schmollege_ , I thought to myself. It wasn’t like I’d saved up enough to go anywhere special—and besides, I had no desire to leave Forks anyways. _Wow, never thought I’d say those words in that order._ What difference did it make if I skimmed a little off the top?

Jacob nodded, my logic making perfect sense to him.

As we headed back inside, discussing whether hot chocolate was better with or without marshmallows in it (of course, it was way better _with_ , but Jacob insisted whipped cream with cinnamon was the way to go,) I wondered at my luck. Only a teenage boy would be willing to do this; sneak around deceiving both of our parents while using money meant for my college education. He didn’t see anything wrong with that picture. Jacob was a gift from the gods.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Subterfuge and shopping sprees: everything needed to make a teenager happy.

The motorcycles didn’t need to be hidden other than placing them well within the garage behind the Rabbit. Billy’s wheelchair couldn’t maneuver the uneven ground between the house and the garage, plus there was too much foliage blocking the entrance, so our subterfuge was well hidden.

Jacob worked on the red bike first, pulling it to pieces immediately to assess what exactly he had to work with, making many notes on a piece of notepaper propped on a cardboard box next to him on what needed cleaning, repairing, or replacing. My customary seat became the passenger seat of the Rabbit with the door open. I started calling it the “Walker,” after the Imperial Walkers in Star Wars, which made Jake howl with laughter while I made laser noises, pretending to shoot things out of the headlights, and the name stuck. In my defense, it did look vaguely similar.

While he worked, Jacob and I chattered happily about everything and anything under the sun. We talked about school, sharing tidbits of gossip, though I admit the amount I had compared to him was sorely lacking. He had many hilarious stories starring him and his two best friends.

“Quil and Embry?” I interrupted. “Those are unusual names. I like them.”

Jacob chuckled. “Quil’s is a hand-me-down, and I think Embry got named after a soap opera star. I can’t say anything, though. They fight dirty if you start on their names—they’ll tag team you.”

“Good friends,” I raised one eyebrow, and he laughed again.

“No, they are, just don’t mess with their names.”

As if summoned, a call echoed in the distance. “Jacob?” someone shouted.

“No!” Jacob ducked his head, and it looked like he was blushing under his russet skin. “Speak of the fucking devil,” he mumbled.

“Is that them?” I grinned, turning towards the entrance fully expecting to be entertained by this guest appearance.

“Jake? Are you out here?” the shouting voice was closer now.

“I’m sorry, Bella. It was easier to avoid them when it was warmer out, I tried to shelter you,” Jacob grimaced. “Yeah!” he shouted back, and sighed.

I waited eagerly until two tall, dark skinned boys sauntered into the garage.

One was slender, and almost as tall as Jacob. _Seriously, is there something in the water here?_ His black hair was chin length, and parted down the middle, one side tucked behind his left ear while the other swung free. The shorter boy was more burly, his white T-shirt stretched over his well developed chest, and he seemed gleefully conscious of that fact. His hair was so short it was almost a buzz cut.

Both boys stopped short when they saw me, and I raised an eyebrow expectantly. The thin boy glanced rapidly back and forth between Jacob and I, while the brawny boy kept his eyes on me, a slow smile spreading across his face.

“Hey guys,” Jacob greeted them grudgingly.

“Hey Jake,” the shorter one said without looking away from me. I had to smile in response, his grin was so impish. When I did, he winked at me. “Hi there.”

“Quil, Embry, this is Bella; Bella, Embry and Quil,” Jacob waved his hands between us, mumbling the introductions.

The boys exchanged a loaded look, though I still wasn’t sure which was which.

“You’re Charlie’s kid, right?” the shorter one asked, holding out his hand.

I stood up from the seat of the “Walker” and moved forward to shake his hand. His grip was firm, and he was very obviously flexing his bicep.

I caught Jake’s glance out of the corner of my eye and we shared a secret smirk.

“I’m Quil Ateara,” he announced grandly, sweeping his hand aside and executing a graceful bow. I stifled a snort at the same time Jacob made a loud one.

“Nice to meet you Quil,” I said trying to keep the humor from my voice.

“Hey Bella, I’m Embry—Embry Call, you probably figured that out already,” he said shyly with a small smile. I liked him immediately, and gave him a smile back.

“Nice to meet you, too! Me and Jake are working on these babies, well, mostly Jake,” I said, squeezing Jacob’s shoulder fondly, and I swore his face turned an even deeper shade of pink.

“Oh no way, dude! These are sick!” Quil exclaimed, immediately looking over the Harley Sprint. They launched into a great inquisition, hammering Jacob with educated questions while my eyes glazed over, completely out of my depth. I enjoyed the happy energy though, sitting contentedly for a while before I noticed the time on the old clock that hung above the work bench.

“Crap, I gotta go guys,” I sighed, shoving my hands in my pockets, making to get up.

Jacob looked up, apologetic. “We’re boring you, I’m sorry.”

“No, not at all! I just have to get home so that Charlie doesn’t start eating the sofa,” I joked, and all three boys chuckled heartily at what I thought was the lamest joke I’ve ever told. Ah well, men.

“Well, I gotta finish taking these apart tonight and figuring out what more we’ll need. When do you wanna work on them again?” he asked, standing up and wiping his hands on a greasy towel.

“I have work tomorrow after school, and the girl’s night on Friday, so Saturday?” I frowned, displeased at the thought that I wouldn’t see him for two days. _Relax, Bella. You can’t expect him to want to see you every day._

“Perfect! Then we’ll have all day together,” Jacob grinned, then scowled as Quil and Embry waggled their eyebrows at him, snickering. He cuffed Quil behind his ear, which quickly devolved into a scuffle, Jacob somehow easily overpowering the two of them.

I giggled, shaking my head and backing away. “I’ll see you Saturday, okay? Try not to kill each other.”

Jacob hopped up, panting and stepping over Embry who was still wrestling with Quil. “I’ll have my list finished by then, and we can go shopping for parts. Though I still don’t feel great about you paying for them,” he frowned, stopping just before me.

“No way, Jake. I’m bankrolling this party. You just have to supply the labor and expertise.”

Embry rolled his eyes at Quil, who’d finally gained the upper hand and was standing up, dusting himself off.

“Are you sure?” Jacob shook his head.

“Jake, if I took these to a mechanic, how much would they charge me?” I raised an eyebrow at him, and he finally relented.

“Okay, you’re getting a deal,” he smiled, and wrapped his arms around me in a brief hug. I closed my eyes, basking in the warmth he radiated into me before he loosened his arms, sooner than normal but I was sure it was due to our audience.

“Not to mention the riding lessons!” I reminded him.

Quil grinned widely at Embry and whispered something I didn’t catch. Jacob’s hand flashed out to smack the back of Quil’s head again. “That’s it, get out,” he growled.

“No, really, I have to go,” I protested, holding up my hands in an attempt to placate him. “I’ll see you Saturday, Jake!” I smiled, and pulled my hood up before walking out of the garage.

The minute I was out of side I heard a chorus of _Ooooooo!!!_ from Quil and Embry, and the sounds of another brief scuffle followed, interspersed with an “ouch!” and “hey!”

“If either of you set so much as a toe on my land Saturday…” Jacob threatened, and I giggled quietly, his voice fading as I walked past the copse of trees around the house to my truck.

 

I still managed to beat Charlie home. When he walked through the door I was just taking the salmon out of the oven, deciding we both needed to start eating healthier.

“Hey, Dad!” I flashed him a smile, and he sniffed curiously.

“Smells good, Bells. Whatcha making?”

“Salmon, it’s just finished so can you grab some plates and forks?” He busied himself setting the table while I plated the food.

“What did you and Jacob do today?” I laughed internally. I don’t even remember telling him I was hanging out with Jacob today, at this point he just assumed.

“Well, we hung out in his garage and he told me about the Volkswagen Rabbit he’s working on. It’s so cool,” I explained, sitting down and dishing out some food for myself, keeping my eyes carefully trained on what I was doing. It wasn’t a lie, lord knows I was the worst liar in history, but it just wasn’t the whole truth. I found that was the only way I could even remotely skirt around the truth.

“That’s nice, I think I remember Billy mentioning something about that. I’m glad you two are spending time together,” he added, and I fought a blush that threatened across my cheeks. I knew what he was subtly hinting at, and I had to nip anything in the bud before it had the chance to bloom.

“Me too. He’s a really great _friend_ ,” I stressed slightly, knowing he and Billy gossiped like old women at any given chance.

Charlie grunted, and I figured that was man-speak for agreement. We ate silently, then I excused myself, claiming exhaustion before heading upstairs to lay in bed and work through some of the thought’s I’d been having lately about my friend.

I set next week’s homework in front of me, idly completing some calculus problems while I pondered my situation.

Edward—I only flinched slightly at the thought of his name, but noted the pang in my chest was slightly less than it usually was, had left me alone. That was the long and short of it. He didn’t want me, there really wasn’t any getting around that. The rest of the Cullens had up and left without so much as a farewell, and I suppose what stung me the most about that was Alice. Alice, out of all of them, I had considered a close friend. She was my confidant, my self-esteem bolster. She and I had been through hell and back, and yet at Edward’s request, she’d dropped me too. As if I were nothing.

I felt tears prick at the backs of my eyes, and I wiped them away angrily. It wasn’t fair that they got to mess up my life, mess _me_ up, then blithely move on as if nothing had ever happened, still immortal, completely unaffected. Yet here I was, with the scars to prove it that they had been in my life. I glared down at the offending crescents on my forearm, briefly remembering the blazing agony of fire and pain from James’ torture and bite. I shuddered delicately. It wasn’t a time I liked to revisit often. Every so often I still had nightmares about James’ obsidian eyes, bent on killing me.

Pulling myself out of that dark train of thought, I refocused on the issue at hand. Edward was gone, forever. He’d told me so himself, promised me, even, that that day in the woods would be the last time I ever saw him. The amount of years I had left to live would pass like the blink of an eye to a vampire who would live forever. I highly doubted he would even remember me in a hundred years. There were infinite things to occupy his attention over the next eighty or so years.

Therefore, I had to be realistic. I was in pain, yes. I was heart broken, of course. And I would need time to heal, there was no question about that. The nightmares were clear evidence that my psyche needed more time to come to terms with losing him, all of them. But in the meantime…

Could I? Move on?

Jacob was my best friend. I had known him since I was a kid, and of course I loved him. I just wasn’t sure if it could ever be in a romantic kind of way.

_Except yesterday…_

I flushed at the memory of being pressed up against him, my adolescent hormones running rampant through my system, filling me with unmistakable… lust. I grimaced as I finally thought the word. There it was, out in the open, glaringly obvious. In some capacity, my body desired Jacob. I knew deep down I was trying to pass off the feelings to an external locus of control: my hormones, biology, science, what name you. The deepest, darkest part of me, however, was not buying my B.S.

But wanting was not the same as loving. Deep, true, irrevocable love. I know I had experienced that before, and I felt an almost despair at ever feeling that depth of love for anyone ever again. How could I ever match it? It just felt so special, so different… _but wasn’t that because Edward was different?_

I frowned at this new thought. I wasn’t sure where it had popped up from, but it threw me for a loop. Was I so convinced I’d never find a love like I’d had with Edward because he wasn’t human? I felt my mouth open and close in shock, like I didn’t want to believe it. I _didn’t_ want to believe it. That would mean…

I sat on my bed for a long time, staring into space, math homework long forgotten while my mind ran in circles around this new truth I didn’t really want to face.

If Renee and Charlie had been so in love, enough to marry and make me, and it didn’t work out, then by my logic would they never be able to find love again? I knew that wasn’t true. I could see the thought as ridiculous for what it was, and yet, when I tried to apply it to myself, my knee jerk reaction was to stubbornly resist it.

I felt like the biggest hypocrite on the planet. My heart was broken, but it would heal some day. Charlie and Renee were evidence of that. Hell, half the movies and books I read were evidence of that. So why was I still so hung up on the idea that I would never find a love like Edward’s ever again?

I fell into a troubled sleep, dreaming only of darkness, and an animal snuffling noise poking around my head, the feel of warm fur curling underneath my fingers.

 

I woke up, unable to remember any of my dreams for once, and it brought a smile to my face. I felt well rested for the first time in days, and I took a long shower, reveling in the pleasant ache in my muscles. Lifting the bikes yesterday, even with help was a difficult task, and I found myself wishing I was stronger. Maybe Jake could show me his workout routine, though he still claimed he didn’t which I heavily doubted. No one just grows muscles like that out of the blue, genetics be damned.

“Heading down to the rez today again?” Charlie asked innocently over breakfast. I stifled an eye roll, instead opting for shoving my mouth full of eggs and shaking my head.

“Nah, I have work today after school; and the Port Angeles trip me Jessica and Angela are planning is tomorrow, remember?”

“Oh, right. Well, you girls be safe. We still haven’t found that missing hiker,” Charlie frowned, and I nodded to placate him.

“Of course, dad. We’ll stick together. No impromptu rituals in the woods,” I said mildly. He only grunted in response, and I laughed quietly. Charlie was so fun to tease sometimes. “I am gonna head down to the rez on Saturday, weren’t you guys gonna go fishing?” I knew they weren’t but if I planted the idea in Charlie’s head maybe it would lure Billy away long enough for me and Jacob to get everything done we needed to get done with minimal witnesses and interruptions.

“Oh, well I did cancel on Billy the other day…” he chewed thoughtfully, and I pretended not to watch with glee as the idea took root. “You know, I will call him up.”

“Maybe Harry could drive him up,” I suggested with as much of a casual air as I could.

Charlie nodded in agreement. “That’s a great idea.” He looked excited now, and I smiled, pleased with my careful machinations. I squashed the small part of me that was purring with delight at the thought of having the entire day alone with Jacob, and focused on finishing my breakfast.

 

 

School passed in a blink, every moment not spent in lecture was spent entertaining Jessica’s eager babble for what we could possibly do in town. She’d compiled a whole list of stores, and school year events we might want to shop for in advance. I swore she even _color-coded_ the list. Sheesh.

“You should become a wedding planner, Jess,” I joked at lunch while she showed me it, and her jaw dropped as I said it, cheeks turning slightly pink. She was silent for a long moment, and I glanced worriedly at Angela wondering if I’d accidentally offended her.

“Wow… I actually never thought of that,” Jessica said, completely awed, her eyes bright. I smiled and took the brief respite of quiet to take a big bite of my food as an excuse not to talk, prolonging the sweet silence.

Suddenly the air was crushed out of my chest as Jess practically tackled me with a hug. “Oof!”

“That was so sweet of you, Bella!” she sniffed, and I glanced at Angela in a different type of alarm. She just grinned mildly, shrugging her delicate shoulders.

“Well, I mean you’re so organized and you know so much about fashion and decorating and that kind of stuff…” I trailed off, alarmed when my placating words only served to make her eyes well up with more unshed tears.

“Oh, god, thank you!” she seemed overwhelmed, and I patted her gently on the shoulder as she squeezed me again.

The rest of the day passed without incident, though every now and then Jessica had a faraway look in her eyes as she undoubtedly mulled over my words. I felt strangely bashful that she had been so taken aback by my unthinking words.

Lately I’d realized with no small amount of guilt that I’d been getting more engaged with my friend group than ever before; I admitted to myself that I’d neglected them in favor of the Cullens Edward and I got involved. Aside from fielding the occasional misplaced flirting from Mike or Tyler, I actually found spending time with the group increasingly enjoyable, and made it my goal to make more of an effort to be a good friend and not be so caught up in my own melodrama. Even if I didn’t always share the same fashion or make up interests as Jess or Angela, having girlfriends was essential to a happy life.

It was with that attitude that I went into our trip to Port Angeles the next day; the only thing I was really missing was Jacob. Tonight was strictly for the girls, and I knew regardless of how I felt I needed to honor that.

We listened to classic rock and pop on the drive up, gossiping about the boys in our class and who was dating who. I was surprised to learn that it was generally believed in our grade (and by default the entire school,) that I was now dating Jacob.

“Wait, really? They think we are?” I blinked in shock, a blush stealing over my cheeks.

“Well, yeah, Bella, it seems kind of obvious,” Angela giggled.

Jess rolled her eyes, shooting me a disbelieving glance in the rear view mirror as she maneuvered down the high way. “Oh come on, Bella. You spend nearly every single day with him!”

“He’s my best friend!” I defended, feeling jittery at the mention of _Jacob_ and _boyfriend_ in the same sentence. “He’s really helped me through all the… _crap_ the last few months.”

“Exactly! He’s reliable, trustworthy, and probably loves you to death,” Jess ticked off on her fingers. “Not to mention he’s getting _super_ hot. I saw him the other day at the grocery store. He’s gigantic! And those _muscles_ … mm-mm-mm I’d like to try a piece of that!” she licked her lips, and I tried and failed not to narrow my eyes at her. “So you do like him!” she squealed victoriously as she caught my reaction before I could hide it. Damn.

“I… I mean… I just…” I spluttered, casting about for an explanation. “He’s my best friend!” I ended lamely, frowning. There were a million reasons Jacob and I couldn’t date. Right?

“Uh-huh. You keep telling yourself that, Bella honey. But just be careful, boys like him get snatched up faster than a hot slice of pizza,” she said archly, shooting me a knowing look.

I frowned. I genuinely hadn’t thought of that. Jacob was almost sixteen, and quickly growing into his potential as he was very obviously skyrocketing through puberty. He could already pass as a young adult man, and a lot of girls would be into that.

“He’s younger than me,” I pressed, and I was shocked to hear _Angela_ snort in derision.

“Please, Bella. Two years is nothing in the grand scheme of things. You don’t even have the height excuse, especially because of me and Ben,” she said primly, and I crossed my arms. They were double-teaming me. Unbelievable!

After a slight pause, I finally swallowed my pain and sighed. “I’m not over Edward yet.” They immediately quieted.

“Yeah… that’s tough,” Angela cooed sympathetically, and Jessica nodded.

“But Bella.” I looked up to meet Jess’ gaze in the mirror at her cautionary tone. “Don’t let happiness pass you by while you’re clinging to something that’s already gone, you know? Just keep that in mind.”

Her sudden wisdom sobered me instantly, and I nodded, chewing the inside of my cheek and looked out the window to mull over their words.

I couldn’t deny the truth in both of their statements. The longer I chose to dwell and mope, the more opportunities I would miss because I was too busy being sad. But did I want Jacob to be one of those opportunities? If I was being honest with myself, it was surprising Jacob was single at all to begin with. I was sure there were plenty of girls on the rez just lining up to go on dates with him. I grimaced at the thought as a strange hot emotion swirled angrily in my chest and settled into my stomach, causing it to clench in knots.

_Am I jealous?_

I neatly boxed those thoughts away to deal with later as we pulled into the city limits, all of our gears shifting into shopper-mode as the excitement in the car became tangible.

Our first stop was a popular department store that had just about everything from shoes to potential prom dresses, and we spent several long hours perusing the racks, trying on various clothes, and strutting around in shoes we were definitely _not_ going to by. I strategically avoided all of the heels in consideration for my poor ankles, and they snickered at my obvious aversion. I responded by stucking my tongue out at them, like an adult.

By the time our stomachs began protesting for food, I’d actually managed to pick out some nice outfits for myself that I genuinely liked, plus a new pair of black ballet flats that had pretty silver buckles near the toes. They were more than a little inappropriate for the weather here, but they were on sale, and in a rare fit of girlish glee, I threw them in the rolling basket with the rest of my purchases, ignoring the part of me that wondered if Jacob would like them if I wore them around him.

We dropped off our plentiful bags of purchases in Jessica’s trunk, then decided to hurry to a burger joint near the board walk to grab some food before we headed home. I was practically giddy, though tired. I had come out of my shell and had a great time with my girlfriends, and even bought some nice things for myself. I guess what they said about retail therapy was true.

We were on our way back to the car after a satisfyingly greasy dinner, when we saw them.

They were parked outside of a dive bar, revving the engines of their motorcycles at each other, talking and laughing boisterously. We glanced at each other nervously, unconsciously shifting closer together as we approached that part of the street, and I shuddered at the memory of my last unfortunate run-in in Port Angeles a few streets away from where we were now.

One of the men spotted us coming and wolf whistled loudly. “Hey pretty girls! Wanna ride?” he jeered, and his friends laughed loudly. Angela gripped my hand tightly, and I glared, suddenly furious. What right did they have to make us feel unsafe?

“Ooh, that one’s feisty, Rick. I think she wants a piece of you,” a tall, burly bald man with a dark goatee and tattoos winked lasciviously at me.

“Fuck off,” I snapped without thinking, shocking myself. Since when did I curse like that? A chorus of _ooo’s_ and laughter followed, and the bald man narrowed his eyes at me.

“Watch your mouth, little girl.”

“ _Bella, stop this right now!”_

My muscles locked into place, freezing me where I stood, because that was not Jessica’s or Angela’s angry voice that rebuked me. It was a furious voice, a familiar, beautiful voice—soft like velvet even though it was irate.

“ _Walk away with your friends_ ,” Edward’s voice ordered, still angry. “ _You promised—nothing stupid_.”

“Bella,” Jessica hissed anxiously, and I shook myself out of my brief stupor, turning to face the man head on. I knew, in theory, I had no business facing down a two hundred plus pound man when I was barely one-fifteen soaking wet, but I couldn’t explain the rage flashing through me.

“ _Bella! No!_ ” Edward growled, clearly angry, and I scoffed internally. So was I.

I gathered up my sudden well of courage, lifting my chin defiantly and fixing the man with my most condescending glare. “My father is the chief of police, and you better watch yourself or you’ll lose your precious little bike there,” I threatened icily, and his friends roared with laughter while he turned a deep shade of red. Edward hissed angrily. “Oh you think I’m joking, I’ve already memorized your plate, and he’s on my speed-dial.” Sure I didn’t _actually_ have a cell phone, but baldy didn’t know that.

The man scoffed, muttering something dismissive and turned away, clearly done trying to mess with me. I felt a sharp tug on my arm as Jessica practically dragged me away down the street.

“Are you insane?!” she hissed once we were out of ear shot, and I sighed, bowing my head contritely. I was still trying to process everything that had just happened, both with the man and hearing Edward’s voice in my head.

“I know, I’m sorry. I just got so pissed,” I apologized. They both stared at me with wide-eyed disbelief.

“I never knew you had that in you, Bella,” Angela said with something akin to awe.

I bit my lip, shrugging. “Me neither.”

The voice in my head was clearly not returning as we loaded ourselves up into the safety of Jessica’s car. I sat quietly in the back seat as they chatted idly up front, mulling over the possibilities for this recent development.

Option one: I was crazy. That was the layman’s term for people who heard voices in their heads, right?

Option two: my subconscious mind was giving me what it thought I wanted, a reminder of my lost love’s voice, and his last demands before he abandoned me. It was simple wish-fulfillment, a momentary relief from the sadness by embracing the logical fallacy that a) he cared whether I lived or died, and b) he would be in any way bothered if something bad happened to me, or if I made reckless choices.

Ohh, buddy. He was _not_ gonna like the motorcycles.

I smirked at the thought, but then frowned. I really should not be imagining (hallucinating?) his voice. Besides the obviously concerning aspect of it, I should be _forgetting_ his voice. If Jessica and Angela were correct about leaving the past behind, which I was beginning to think they were. I had to admit that I didn’t necessarily want to forget it. It was terribly confusing. On the one hand, hearing his voice in my head had filled me, momentarily, with a sharp longing. It was obvious I still missed him terribly, and my heart was nowhere close to healing. On the other hand, it was just that: in my head. Made up. Not real. A lie. Just like he lied about loving me. I was just perpetuating my own misery by reminding myself of him, and deluding me into thinking that he really cared. He didn’t care about me. If he did he wouldn’t have left me the way he had.

I was a little peeved at my own head for dredging up this fresh torture, and wondered if it would happen again. Part of me was morbidly curious to hear it again, but another part of me shied away from it. I supposed I would just have to avoid any and all bar fights and I’d be set. Ha.

“Do you guys think he would have actually fought me?” I interrupted their light chatter about the Snowflake Dance, a smile tugging up the corner of my lips.

“Ehh, I think you coulda taken him. That’s probably why he backed off,” Jess giggled, and we all had a good laugh at the absurdity of it. I was glad they’d forgiven me for my brief bought of insanity, and we chattered happily the whole way home.

I gave them each a one-armed hug goodbye, gathering up all my purchases and trotting up to my front door. I kicked several times in favor of awkwardly digging around in my bag for my key which would have involved putting down all the bags I had slung over my arms.

Charlie answered the door, his eyebrows shooting up towards his hairline as he took in the sight of me, laden with shopping bags.

“Who are you and what have you done with my daughter?” he asked in his best Chief of Police voice. I actually giggled.

“Let me in and I’ll tell you! _For a price_ ,” I affected what I thought was my best criminal voice.

With a small chuckle, Charlie opened the door and ushered me inside, locking up behind me.

“Did you have fun?” he asked, heading back to the living room to keep watching whatever sports game he was engrossed in. Looked like the Celtics were playing… er… I couldn’t tell.

“I did, actually. It was really nice to hang with them,” I sighed contentedly, putting my bags down on the kitchen table and sorting through them. “You excited for your fishing trip tomorrow with the guys?”

“Oh yeah, Billy and Harry can’t wait,” he replied, already sounding distracted. I smiled to myself, and bid him goodnight before taking my haul upstairs, already planning my outfit for tomorrow’s adventures with Jacob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t you just love Burlington Coat Factory, TJ Maxx, Marshalls, and Christmas Tree Shops? Me too. Those are the stores I envisioned the girlies visiting. I actually don't know if the west coast has Christmas Tree Shops...   
> Full disclosure, I love dive bars and biker gangs, but sometimes (cough-mostofthetime-cough) drunk men are assholes. Excuse my stereotyping here.  
> Also I live in Boston, lel @ my Celtics name drop.  
> I chose to keep the voice hallucinations in my story, cause they seem like they were important to the plot of SM’s New Moon, but please understand that it’s just Bella’s imagination. In those moments of adrenaline she can remember his voice the clearest, that’s all. Nothin’ spoopy.  
> I'm finding as I write this story I'm relying somewhat heavily on the original book, with frequent spin-offs of my own and altering the dialogue to fit my needs, as well as a pretty heavy altering of Bella's character. I hope nobody minds that. I'm essentially just rewriting the book the way I felt it should have gone... idk if that counts as "original". I mean, i don't really care cause this *is* fanfic and i can do what i want, but i know there might be some people that that annoys. oh well.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella starts feeling a little more Spicy

I raced down to the reservation the next day, practically yelling my goodbye to Charlie over my shoulder as I jogged out to my truck. My checkbook weighed heavily in the pocket of my jacket. I felt very awkward having it with me, since it was something I never used, but these were very special circumstances.

Mercifully, the rain seemed to be taking a small break today, and it was just overcast as I raced as fast as my truck would carry me to La Push. Jacob was already outside, waiting for me as I pulled up, and I grinned ear to ear at the sight.

“Hey Jake!” I called out as I swung open the door. Before I even got the chance to step down to the ground Jacob swung me up into a bone-crushing hug, swinging me around in a circle, making me laugh. “Air! Air!” I squeaked, and he finally set me down.

“It’s good to see you Bells! Man, it feels like forever.”

I couldn’t help but feel flattered that he’d missed me so much. “I know, seriously. Work was such a drag.”

“Yeah, also very good call on inviting Billy up. It’ll make today so much easier,” he said in a low voice as he slung his arm around my shoulder, which for him was easy since I was so much shorter than him.

“True, true.” I quieted as we entered the house, and I said hi to Billy as we walked through the living room towards Jacob’s room. We caught each other up on the last few days, laying sideways on his bed as we waited for Harry to swing by and pick up Billy.

Finally, we heard the crunch of tires rolling on gravel, and we hopped up to say goodbye to Billy.

“You two behave,” he said as he rolled out of the door, eyeing us with an odd sparkle in his eye. Jacob groaned beside me.

“Dad!”

Billy did nothing more than chuckle as the screen door swung shut behind him, bouncing against the frame. We listened until the tires rolled away, signaling that we were now officially unsupervised.

“Sick. So, where to Mr. Handyman?” I grinned at him, and he smiled back, fishing a folded piece of paper from the pocket of his dark wash jeans that hugged his legs in a very nice manner.

_Damn it, Bella. Focus._

“I was thinking the dump first, to see if we can get lucky. This could end up getting pretty expensive,” he warned me. “I’m talking more than a hundred dollars here. Those bikes need some serious TLC.”

“Psh, please,” I laughed, taking out and fanning myself with my checkbook, giving him a saucy look. “I’ve got it covered.”

 

It was a fun day, even strolling around at the dump through ankle deep mud that was still wet from the previous day’s rain. There was pep to my step that I hadn’t ever felt before, not even in Phoenix. I was decently sure it wasn’t a sudden exuberance for scrap metal, but instead Jacob himself. He was just such a happy person, it seemed to overflow out of him and brighten everything and everyone around him, just like the sun, except on earth, and everyone in his gravitational pull was naturally affected. No wonder I couldn’t stay away from him.

Even when he commented on the jagged hole in my dashboard, it didn’t fill me with pain or panic like I expected it to.

“Oh, it was broken so I just yanked it out,” I shrugged.

He raised a cautious eyebrow at me, a smirk tugging at his lips. “Well in that case, I think I should handle most of the repairs.”

I stuck my tongue out at him.

According to Jacob we did get pretty lucky at the dump. He got very excited over a couple twisted pieces of metal that were blackened with grease and dirt. I had no idea what they were but I couldn’t help but smile at his excitement.

From there we went to Checker Auto Parts down in Hoquiam. In my truck it was more than a two hour drive down the freeway, but with Jacob it passed in a breeze, our easy conversation filling up the otherwise deafening silence, (deafening because of the roar of my truck as it rattled at the speed I was pushing it to.) He chattered about his friends and school, and I fired question after question, genuinely curious about every facet of his life.

“Okay, I feel like I just outlined every single detail of my life front to back,” Jacob laughed. “I’m doing all the talking, tell me about you! What’s Forks High like compared to the rez school?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know, typical teenage stuff. So and so likes so and so but they have a boyfriend and so and so is jealous of so and so because she got a new car, blah blah blah. I can hardly keep track of it, honestly,” I smiled ruefully. “Maybe if I had some real drama of my own it would keep me in the loop better, but I kind of prefer it this way. Jess and Angela tell me about their guy stuff, but it hasn’t really changed in a year so,” I shrugged as if that explained all of it.

“Has everyone finally gotten off your back about the Cullens?” he asked, his innocent curiosity disarming me. I felt the twinge in my chest at the name, but it didn’t bother me nearly as much as I’d expected.

“Pretty much, though they give me shit for being so… out of it, for so long I guess,” I frowned, not liking the turn of conversation. I didn’t like talking about my own weakness.

“Well I think you’ve dealt with it really well, honey. That was so shitty of him to do to you.” I glanced over at Jacob, surprised by the venom in his voice. He never, ever got angry.

“I mean…” I paused, halfway through starting to defend them, and realized that I actually agreed with Jacob. The way they’d left me _was_ shitty. They had really, really hurt me and not thought twice about the consequences. “Yeah, you’re right,” I cocked my head to the side, surprised at myself. I glanced over at Jacob, and he was staring ahead at the road, a satisfied smirk on his face.

“I knew you’d see it eventually.”

I shook my head with a slight smile, turning on my turn signal to get off on our exit.

“You always help me see the truth in things, Jake. That’s why I—like you so much,” I only paused for a split second, but my tongue felt like it had tripped into a knot. I’d almost said something very, very different. “Anyways,” I began, flipping the subject off of the dangerous path it was headed down. “My friends are kind boring, which is why I don’t talk about them much. Your friends are much more fun, like Quil! I still can’t believe he asked that senior’s girlfriend out,” I laughed, but Jacob frowned.

“I think Quil likes you, too,” he muttered.

“He’s a little young for me,” I said, trying to appease him but his frown only deepened.

“I mean, not really. A year and a couple months isn’t that much younger than you.” I had a feeling we weren’t talking about Quil anymore, and I ignored the loud thumping of my heart.

“Sure, sure, but considering the difference in maturity between guys and girls don’t you count that in like, dog years? What does that make me, twelve?” I kept my voice light and teasing, and felt a small surge of victory at his smile.

“Okay, but if you’re getting picky like that, you have to average in size, right? You’re so small I’m docking at least ten years from your total,” he laughed.

“Five foot four is perfectly average!” I sniffed, put out. “It’s not my fault you’re a freak of nature.”

We bantered back and forth until we got to Hoquiam, still arguing over the way to properly formulate age. I lost two more years because I didn’t know how to change a tire, but gained one back because I was in charge of the bookkeeping of my house. Once we pulled into Checkers, we shelved the conversation for later, as Jacob had to focus now on the last of the parts he needed to buy. We found everything on his list, and loaded it all up into the bed of my truck, beginning our victorious drive home.

By the time we got back to La Push, I was twenty three and Jacob was thirty, though I had a suspicion he was heavily weighting the grading in his favor.

I hadn’t forgotten my true purpose for getting involved with the motorcycles, but the fact that I got to be reckless and stupid with Jacob made it all the more fun. I could break promises, flip the bird at the world, and have a great time while doing it.

Thankfully, Billy wasn’t back yet from the Dude Hangout currently occurring at my house, so we didn’t have to be sneaky about unloading our haul and carrying it to the garage, laying it neatly in rows so Jacob could access what he needed easily. As soon as we had shoved some much-needed snacks in our faces, Jacob set his plastic toolbox down next to the bikes and got right to work. I fed him Doritos from the bag since his hands were too greasy, and we kept chatting and laughing while he combed expertly through the metal parts in front of him.

Jacob’s skill with his hands was fascinating. They seemed too big for the delicate tasks he performed with ease and precision. I caught myself admiring the tug and pull of the muscles, the graceful play of shadows across his veins as he worked, glancing down and comparing the tone to mine. I looked like a sallow ghost, I noticed with a grimace; my bones stuck out of my skin like knobby sticks, awkward and thin.

Quil and Embry didn’t make an appearance, and I wondered if Jacob’s threats the other day had held. I asked as much, and Jacob rolled his eyes, grunting as he worked with the wrench to secure a particularly stubborn screw.

“Yeah, they know what’s good for them. They won’t bother us,” he grinned and winked at me, and I fought a blush, looking back towards the rows of parts as if I were perusing them with great interest.

The day passed too quickly, and before I knew it it had grown dark outside the mouth of the garage. I was engrossed in watching Jacob’s hands again when suddenly we heard Billy’s voice calling us.

I bolted up, looking around to see what I could help Jacob put away but he waved me off.

“Leave it, I’ll keep working on it later tonight.”

“But what about your school work!” I insisted. “Make sure you don’t forget to do that or Billy won’t let me hang out with you anymore,” I pleaded, feeling guilty, and that seemed to get to him.

He sighed, nodding. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Bella?”

I cursed as I heard Charlie’s voice waft towards us, sounding closer from the house than we wanted.

“Coming!” I called, and Jacob quickly turned off the light. Momentarily blinded, I threw my hands out, colliding with Jacob’s chest.

“Let’s go,” I heard him chuckle, clearly enjoying the cloak and dagger as he threaded his fingers through mine, pulling me out of the dark garage and along the familiar path. His hand was very warm, and a little rough. I found myself enjoying it too much.

Despite the familiar path, we were both tripping over our own feet in the darkness and soon we were laughing as the house came into view.

Charlie was standing on the little back porch, Billy in the door behind him.

“Hey Dad,” we both said in unison, starting us on our laughing again.

Charlie stared at me with wide eyes that flashed down to notice Jacob’s hand around mine.

“Billy invited us for dinner,” he said in an absent-minded tone, clearly distracted.

“My super secret recipe for spaghetti, handed down through the generations,” Billy said archly as we stomped off the mud from our shoes on our way up the stairs.

“I don’t think Ragu has been around that long, dad,” Jacob said dryly, making me giggle.

The rest of the night passed by in relaxed camaraderie. Billy had invited Harry and Sue, along with their two children Leah and Seth, so the house filled up very quickly. I remembered Sue and Leah vaguely from my childhood memories, and although Leah was a senior like me, she intimidated me. She had an easy grace about her, and strikingly beautiful features that I couldn’t help but envy; but besides a quick hello to me she was preoccupied, spending most of the night on Billy’s phone in the kitchen talking to someone. Seth was fourteen, and reminded me starkly of Jacob before he had turned into a giant. He blushed and stammered whenever I spoke to him, and spent most of the night staring at Jacob with idolizing eyes, which made me smile and Jacob distinctly uncomfortable.

There were far too many of us for the kitchen table so Charlie and Harry brought out chairs to the back yard and we all sat around the fire pit, which Jacob got going quickly with his persuasive fingers. The men talked about their day fishing, already making plans for the following weekend which Jacob and I acknowledged to each other with a sly, shared smile. Sue teased Harry about his cholesterol, trying and failing to shame him into eating more salad. Jacob mostly talked to Seth and I, who interrupted us eagerly whenever he feared Jacob was forgetting him.

Charlie watched me the whole time, trying to be inconspicuous about it, with pleased and cautious eyes.

It was loud and chaotic and more often than not we interrupted each other with raucous laughter but it was the most fun I’d had in ages, and I wouldn’t have traded that night for the world. I didn’t have to speak often, but found myself laughing constantly, and smiling, feeling like I was on top of the world.

I didn’t want to leave.

However, Washington had different ideas and after a few threatening drops heralding a coming bout of rain, we admitted defeat and brought all of the chairs, food, and utensils in. The living room was unfortunately too small to hold us all together for a continued gathering, so reluctantly we started saying our goodbyes. Harry had driven Charlie down, so I knew I’d have to field questions from Charlie while I drove us home in my truck.

“Thanks for everything, Jake. I had so much fun, today,” I said as we stepped out of the house first to say goodbye away from everyone else. “Maybe I can come over tomorrow? Before school ruins my life next week,” I tried to aim for levity, but the thought of going a few days without seeing Jake was depressing me. We both had a couple tests we needed to study for this week.

“Sure, sure. You know you’re always welcome here, Bella,” Jacob said softly, and I felt myself get distracted by the warm darkness of his eyes. I wrapped my arms around him just to get away from the heart-pounding eye contact, but realized having every inch of myself pressed against him wasn’t much better. He squeezed me back, and I could feel him press his face into my hair.

I swallowed down the words that came unbidden to me, squashing the sudden longing I had for something I shouldn’t want. I faked a cheery smile as I pulled away, waving way too jerkily to pass for normal, and I practically ran to my truck, locking myself inside before I could do something stupid. Like kiss him.

I didn’t understand where the longing was coming from, all of the sudden, overpowering and overwhelming, punching through me and filling me to the brink with desire. It had taken every bit of self-control not to tilt my head back to capture his lips with my own. My heart was pounding, and I felt shaky, my hands covered in sweat, while the blazing heat low in my abdomen refused to back down and be ignored.

I was so screwed.

 _He’s your friend. He’s your friend. He’s your friend_. I chanted to myself repeatedly as Charlie finally exited the house, getting into the passenger seat. If I watched the rear view mirror to see if Jacob watched us leave through the window, I didn’t admit it to myself.

Thankfully, past asking how my day went with Jake Charlie didn’t bother me for more information, not a big fan of small talk himself. We sat in blessed silence, and when I mentioned I was heading back down to the rez the next day most likely, I didn’t miss his smirk from the corner of my eye.

“I’ll bring down my homework, I promise,” I said, knowing that it wasn’t actually an issue.

“You make sure to do that,” he ordered, trying to disguise his satisfaction with parental strictness.

I headed up to bed after bidding him goodnight, claiming exhaustion, and puttered around in my room for a while, but the issue of my body had not alleviated, and it was quickly becoming apparent that I was too keyed up to fall asleep.

Biting my lip, I quietly pressed the lock on my door, something I usually never did. I switched off my lamp, climbing into bed, unsure of why I was so self-conscious. It’s not like I had never… dealt with myself, before, but it had been such a long time. I hadn’t when Edward and I were dating, mostly because once I found out he could smell literally anything that occurred around him, as well as snuck into my room at night that had squashed any and all opportunity and desire. But now, I couldn’t ignore the burning desire pumping sluggishly through my blood, making my core aching and hot.

I pulled the covers over me, self-conscious as ever as I let my hands trail over myself. I was suddenly glad Charlie was staying up later than usual to catch up on Sports Center, as I knew the sound of the TV would muffle anything embarrassing that might occur.

I pulled gently at my own nipples, imagining dark, russet fingers instead of my own. Right now I was done denying myself what I already knew I wanted, and I simply gave into my fantasy. Just because I fantasized didn’t mean anything was affected in my daily life, right?

Slipping my hands down, I pushed off my pyjama pants, letting my knees fall to the sides as I teased my clit with my fingers gently, starting off slow as I imagined Jacob’s lips on my throat, my breasts, trailing down my stomach to my aching center. I was woefully inexperienced, and only after stumbling upon some choice art pieces on the internet did I have any inkling of what sex was actually like, so I just let my mind do what it would, imagining Jacob’s mouth all over me, his fingers slipping inside of me.

I gasped quietly at that thought, my hips churning as I rubbed my clit firmly, feeling the pleasure curling lazily throughout me like a heady summer day. Jacob would be so warm inside of me, his tongue, his fingers… and other things.

Even with what I was doing I felt myself blush furiously at the thought of Jacob naked. Everything I had seen so far of his newly grown body called out to my womanhood, teasing with sensual promises of strength and virility. I could imagine in my minds eye his abs rippling above me as he moved, thrusting and groaning as he filled me…

My pleasure jumped to a new height, and my eyes screwed shut as I lost myself to the vision of Jacob above me, inside of me, surrounding me, pumping his hips harder, harder…

“ _Nnnng_ … _fuck_!” I moaned quietly, the heat and pleasure peaking inside of my core and exploding outward into a small supernova, the aftershocks of pleasure jolting through me as my fingers pressed my clit periodically, prolonging my pleasure and slowly bringing me down from my high. My hips churned and I turned my head, stifling the smaller moans coming unbidden from my throat into my pillow, the wetness seeping from my panties onto my fingers. My breath came in wild pants, and I realized my whole body was hot and covered in sweat as I lay there, heart pounding a frantic tattoo against my ribs.

My muscles released all of their tension, and I felt like jell-o, laying in my bed completely spent. Sleep quickly stole into my sated limbs, weighting my eyelids, and my last thought I had before I slipped into a deep sleep was how utterly screwed I was now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Throw me some kudos if you enjoyed!  
> Feel free to comment as well xo
> 
> —
> 
> Also, if you're going to flame review my story just because you don't like a Jacob & Bella pairing, I have some fantastic news for you!  
> You don't have to fucking read my stories! In fact, I would go so far as to encourage you not to. I'm 24 years old, and I've been writing fanfiction for well over a decade. This aint my first rodeo.


	6. Chapter 6

_Warm lips trailed their way down my throat as large hands pulled me over so I was lying on my back. I cracked open my eyes, looking around the strange room that was familiar but not. Vaguely I realized I was dreaming as I glanced down, seeing the dark head of long, silky hair making its way slowly down, leaving hot, open mouth kisses along my bare skin. I noticed with a light shock that I was completely naked, and so was he._

_“Oh, god,” I whispered as he moved up, spreading my legs and suddenly thrusting into me with one fluid movement, but there was no pain or discomfort, only a light floating feeling. I moaned in pleasure, welcoming him in as I rocked my hips in time with his thrusts, begging him to go faster as his mouth descended upon mine, taking everything I had to give._

_“I love you, Bella,” he moaned, and I cried out as he hit a spot in me that made me see stars._

_“Yes, yes, Jacob… love you… love you so much—” I felt my pleasure crest and I came with a soundless scream as Jacob thrust harder into me, practically shouting my name as he—_

I awoke with a jolt of panic as I heard the front door slam closed downstairs, keys rattling as they were hung up on the pegs on the wall. My heart was pounding, and the desperate longing I had taken care of last night had returned.

Holy shit. I had just been having a sex dream. _About Jacob_.

Mortified, I tried to ignore the echoes of pleasure tingling through my body, floored that I could even reach that height while asleep. The details were fuzzy now, but I’d remembered saying something to him over and over again…

“Ah, hell,” I swore, wiping my sweat dampened hair off my forehead, trying to get my heart to stop pounding its way out of my chest. At least Charlie hadn’t been home. I grimaced as I thought about how awkward it could have been, and then quickly shoved that thought away from my mind. Nope. Not even gonna think about it.

I glanced at the clock, groaning. 9 AM. I didn’t usually sleep this late.

Getting ready in a hurry, I rushed through my shower and getting dressed, spending a little extra time brushing my hair and teeth, even putting on a little makeup. I admitted to myself that I had given in to my temporary madness, studiously chalking everything up to teenage hormones, and I grabbed a granola bar and my backpack before calling goodbye to Charlie, who was watching the morning news.

“Be careful out there, Bella. Another hiker went missing today, and they’re saying they saw large animal tracks near the scene of his camp,” Charlie was watching the screen with a dark frown. I promised I would, and began my drive out of town, mulling over the embarrassing truth I now needed to face.

I had had… a… a— _dream_ about Jacob.

Regardless of my past experience (or lack thereof,) this was an alarming development for me. Even though I was eighteen I had never had a dream even close to this. Sure, I’d had some kissing dreams here and there where I woke up, heart pounding and flushed, but never had they reached the extent that it’d gone to last night. I felt hyperactive, almost, my skin feeling too tight to contain all of the emotions and desires pulsing riotously through me. And here I was, driving towards the very cause of my discomfort and confusion, like a moth to flame.

I couldn’t help the guilt coursing through me as well. A small part of me was appalled that I was feeling anything for anyone else so soon after the break up. Crazed teenage hormones aside, I was still in love with Edward, and that should count for something… right? Was my attraction to Jacob betraying him?

_Does it even matter?_

The small part of me that was flippant and brash about these things was clearly not amused by my guilt tripping myself. Still muddled by my conflicting thoughts, I barely realized I had reached the rez when I was pulling up to Jacob’s house. The second my truck pulled into the gravel driveway Jacob came bounding out, his sunny smile beaming on his face and I was lost.

_Oh. Fuck._

Heat slammed into me at the sight of him, and I couldn’t help the soft whimper that tore from my throat. Clearing my expression, I managed a big smile back at him as I stepped out of the cab of the truck, my body gluttonously interpreting the feeling of being pressed against him as pleasure in one of his bone-crushing hugs.

“Did somebody sleep in today?” Jacob teased, and I jumped guiltily and swallowed, wondering if it was branded across my face. _Oh, yes, Jake. I was so busy dreaming about being under you I just didn’t want to wake up._

“Hey, in my defense we did a lot yesterday!” I smiled, giving a weak shrug, but he didn’t seem to notice my preoccupation, too busy tugging on my hand towards the garage.

“Dad’s out today, so we’ve got the place to ourselves,” he waggled his eyebrows at me, and I was screwed. I was so, so screwed.

My eyes zeroed in on the couch in the garage as he led us inside, my mind whispering dirty things to me about just how much I would love to have Jacob on it…

“Here, pick the music,” Jacob’s voice slammed me out of my inappropriate fantasies, and I was so far gone all I could do was gape up at him, face flushed red. He frowned, placing the radio in his hands on the table and grabbing both of my shoulders in his, leaning down to peer in my face. “Hey, are you alright?” he asked softly, and I swallowed heavily, somehow managing a jerky nod. His face was so close to mine all I would have to do is lean up on my tippy toes to…

“Sorry, uh, just not aw-awake yet,” I mumbled, moving quickly around him and grabbing the radio, playing with the dials. I refused to look up at him, though I knew my cover of normalcy was practically blown.

I heard him sigh softly, and I winced. Could I be any more of a freak?

Finding a rock station we both liked, I turned the volume down so it was just background music, and set it on the table, moving over to the couch. I smiled at him, and he seemed to relax now that I’d gotten over my mini crisis.

I was shocked to see the red bike standing up, looking like a motorcycle rather than just a jagged scrap of metal.

“Wow, Jake, you’re amazing!” I effused, and he grinned, clearly pleased with my praise.

Sitting on the couch, however, watching Jacob’s well-muscled arms and back move over the bikes as he worked and chatted gaily was a whole other challenge.

I crossed my ankles tightly, trying not to be obvious that I was pressing my legs together to relieve some of the ache between my thighs. The flush never left my cheeks the entire time as Jacob talked about yesterday, our dads, things happening on the rez, the people we went to school with, everything under the sun. Talking with him was easy as breathing, as it always was, but I couldn’t help but let the underlying tension color every interaction. Did he notice my eyes lingering on his lips? Did I really care all that much if he did?

 _Best friend! Best friend! Best friend!_ I chanted desperately in my head, but the bad part of me was chanting equally loudly _Want him! Want him! Want him!_

I was a fricken mess.

I thought back desperately to the numbness and pain that I had been living in these past few months whenever I wasn’t with Jacob. It was completely and utterly gone now, and in its place I felt wide-awake and raw, like an exposed nerve—and all because I couldn’t get a handle on my own damn hormones.

“—but yeah, with these babies I’m a little obsessive. I mean I get like that whenever I have a fun project I’m working on,” Jake was saying, and I realized I had tuned out for a few minutes there, lost in my own stupid melodrama. I smiled at him when he looked at me, relieved he hadn’t noticed.

“It’s really amazing though, what you can do with a few scraps of metal. You can make something really beautiful, that functions!” I leaned closer to him unconsciously, and he smiled wryly.

“If I had any brains I’d drag this on a little longer,” he sighed, looking back towards the bikes.

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

He bit his bottom lip, and I wanted to die right then and there.

 _I_ wanted to do that.

“What would you say if I said I couldn’t fix these bikes?” Jacob asked suddenly, and I frowned, thrown off my inappropriate train of thought.

“I mean… I would say that sucks, but we could always find something else to do,” I frowned, and he grinned back at me suddenly, his shoulders relaxing. I couldn’t understand what he was getting at. He picked up a wrench, getting back to tightening some little piece of metal.

“So you’ll still come over when these are done?” he asked, and I thought I heard a hint of something else than curiosity under his tone, but I couldn’t place it.

“Of course, Jake. We’ve spent several days a week every week for the last two months together. Why change it now?” my heart pounded, and my hands started to sweat. Had he noticed my increased interest in him? Was he letting me down easy?

The panic caught in my throat, and stuck as I thought of a life without Jacob in it. It was completely and utterly unacceptable.

“Good. Glad we think the same,” he winked at me, and the tension left me in a whoosh of breath I hope he didn’t catch. I nodded, smiling to myself. Jacob had no intentions of leaving my life any time soon. No reason to worry.

“I guess I _am_ taking advantage of your extremely underpriced mechanic services, but as long as you want me to come over, I’ll be here.” I swallowed, knowing that I was allowing myself to be vulnerable with that statement. It was terrifying, and my heart skipped in my chest as I waited for him to answer.

“Hoping to see Quil again?” he teased, and I rolled my eyes, squashing my disappointment.

“You caught me,” I deadpanned, and he chuckled.

“You really like spending time with me?” he asked, and a warm affection suddenly bubbled up inside me, landing somewhere between my throat and my heart.

“Yeah, I do,” I smiled softly at him, and he caught my gaze and held it. My heart pounded in my chest. “And I’ll prove it to you. Why don’t we study on Tuesday, and after my test on Wednesday we’ll do something non-mechanical, since my test Thursday is in English and I’ve got that one covered,” I promised.

“Like what?”

“Whatever you want! We could go to my place and continue our Star Wars marathon, or play board games or something… and we should definitely keep doing homework and studying so neither of us fall behind,” I grimaced.

“Yeah, that might be a good idea,” he made a face as well and I suddenly wondered how much he was leaving undone because of me.

“Seriously. If Charlie and Billy think we’re not being responsible they won’t let us hang out as much,” I worried my lip, suddenly frightened of the prospect.

“Don’t worry, we’ll keep on top of everything and ace our tests so we can spend as much time together as possible!” Jacob grinned at me, and I felt myself smile back effortlessly.

“So, study date once a week?” he asked, reaching over and rummaging around in a grocery bag off to the side.

“Er… maybe more like two or three times,” I sighed, thinking about the pile I’d most likely be assigned tomorrow.

He heaved a heavy sigh, finally producing two cans of brown soda, popping the tabs on both and handing one to me. He held his up ceremoniously.

“To responsibility,” he toasted. “Two to three times a week.”

“And to being irresponsible every day in between,” I smirked, clinking my soda can with his and taking a big gulp.

“Hell yeah!”

 

I got home from Jacob’s later than I’d planned, losing track of the time as we sat and talked in his garage. Charlie had already ordered a pizza without me, and wouldn’t let me apologize.

“Really, Bells, I don’t mind. You deserve a break from all the cooking anyways,” he assured me.

“Thanks dad,” I relented, smiling as I curled up in front of the TV with him. We put on the latest episode of Brooklyn 99 and I found myself laughing more than I normally would. I was still riding on the high of hanging out with Jacob that day, and it had left me in as close to a bubbly a mood as I’d ever been.

Once I’d headed upstairs to get ready for bed, I emailed a response to Renee’s long, drawn out email about Phil’s newest position, her new book club that took the place of the meditation class slot she quit after two weeks, and how much she missed her kindergarteners while she filled in subbing for first grade. I reminded her to pick up her dry cleaning and get her oil changed in her car, and that her favorite DVD was probably still in the machine from the last time she watched it. After that, I fell into an easy sleep, my only dreams of waves crashing on the beach in the moonlight as I wandered along the shore.

 

School the next day was uneventful, and I chatted idly with Angela and Jessica at lunch about their weekends while the boys discussed some sort of new video game that was coming out. When they asked I admitted that I’d spent the majority of my weekend down at the rez, and they gave me knowing looks. I shushed them, trying to fight the blush staining my cheeks.

“Oh, Bella, you’ve got it bad,” Jess sighed quietly, so only Angela and me could hear.

“Guys,” I groaned, and Angela only laughed at my embarrassment.

“Are you finally listening to me about not sleeping on something good for you just because you’re sad?” Jessica said primly, and I scowled at her, taking an angry bite out of my sandwich in defiance. She threw her hands up, rolling her eyes to the ceiling before shaking her head.

“She has a point, Bella,” Angela said softly, and I gave her an agonized look.

“I… we already talked about this! Listen, Jacob is what, almost 17 now, and I just… I don’t want to mess up our friendship!” I insisted.

“Oh bull crap, Bella. That boy is in lo-ove with you,” Jess threw at me disparagingly.

I shook my head in disagreement. “I really don’t think so.”

I knew my cheeks were heating up, telling the story I didn’t want to admit. Sure I’d noticed some of Jacob’s attentions, but it was probably just a boyish crush. I doubted he wanted the full scale of whatever the hell it was going through my head.

“Look, why don’t we all hang out soon after our tests? That way it can be a relaxed group environment, and we can keep tabs on the way Jacob acts around you, and tell you what we think.”

I frowned, thinking it through. My initial reaction was to shut down the idea, but the more I mulled it over the more it made sense. Maybe a third party perspective would be helpful. Jacob and I were so comfortable with each other it was hard to read anything into our interactions because I just assumed they came from a place of friendship, but maybe if one of the other girls was watching…

Jessica smiled in victory as she saw the begrudging agreement in my face before I ever said a word.

“Then it’s settled! We’ll set a date for a movie night and then we can all check him out and see if he has the hots for you!”

I groaned, hiding my face in my folded arms, and they both dissolved into giggles.

When I was done pouting, I raised my head and jumped into the conversation of timing. This weekend wouldn’t work because Jessica had to go to her cousin’s birthday party and Angela had her piano recital on Sunday. The boys chimed in, and we hemmed and hawed the details until we settled on the following Saturday.

The rest of school passed in a blur, and I grimaced as I walked to my car at the prospect of spending all night stuck in a store with Mike Newton.

He was expectedly chatty and animated once we got to work and clocked in. It was like he’d stored up a whole semester’s worth of talk and decided to let it all come rushing out at once. I knew I’d been less receptive towards him since the incident, but I hadn’t realized he’d needed to tell me _this_ _many_ _things_. The few hours dragged on for me as he quickly proved himself an endless supply of friendly conversation topics. I had a sneaking suspicion that that wasn’t necessarily the case, when his next words confirmed my thoughts.

“But hey, after the group movie night we should go see something together,” he said happily. I took a deep breath and gathered what little patience I had left after the barrage I’d just endured for four and a half hours. I folded my vest carefully and shoved it under the counter as we got ready to leave. I wondered at my uncharacteristic irritation and realized I felt angry because I would have much preferred to spend my afternoon at the garage with Jacob instead of being barked at for hours on end by someone akin to a small yippy dog.

I decided to be blunt and not skirt around his feelings. “Like a date?”

He processed my tone of voice, frowning. “If you want, but it doesn’t have to be like that.”

“I don’t date,” I said, my heart jumping slightly in guilt as I realized I was lying. I wouldn’t date _him_.

“Then just as friends?” he suggested, his clear blue eyes much less eager now. I hoped he really meant that we could be friends anyway.

“Maybe, I’m not free this weekend and I don’t know about my schedule in a few weeks,” I shrugged, not feeling all that guilty for my evasive tactics.

“Oh. Okay, well let me know,” he said weakly, and I nodded, fully intending to not ‘let him know’.

He walked me to my car, much less exuberant now. It reminded me uncomfortably of my first few months in Forks, and I felt like things had come full circle somehow. Except how different things were this time around.

 

I could barely sit still through school on Tuesday, knowing Jake and I would be studying tonight. I nearly hit poor Mr. Molina on my way out of the school parking lot. I wanted to get home and make sure I didn’t look like a complete train wreck after gym class. Today had been dodge ball, and it had gone just about as well as I’d expected.

When I got home I took the stairs two at a time until I almost tripped, and darted into the bathroom to work on detangling my hair and fixing the way my mascara had somehow managed to smudge on my lower eyelids making me look like I had a proclivity for listening to heavy metal. Not that I really minded heavy metal, but not really the vibe I was trying to put out.

I had just changed my shirt when a knock sounded on the door downstairs, and I took them a bit more carefully so Jacob didn’t have to spend the night in the emergency room waiting for me to get x-rays, and opened the door with a bright smile to greet him.

“Hey, Jake!” I said, my voice scratchy from disuse. I coughed slightly, blushing, but he just laughed and pulled me into one of his bear hugs.

“Bells, honey, you gotta lay off the cigs, I’ve been telling ya!” he teased.

“Oh shut up,” I said, very maturely, earning another laugh.

We spent the night working on our assignments and took a long study break trying to throw goldfish in each other’s mouths. Jacob hit me in the nose at one point and was rolling on the floor laughing inconsolably for several minutes while I tried and failed not to laugh, too. I made a simple dinner, chicken, veggies, and rice that I just about finished once Charlie got home, and he and Jacob proceeded to inhale several portions. I widened my eyes as Jacob went back for thirds, and he shrugged, grinning around a mouthful of rice.

“Mmm ‘ungry!”

“Uh huh, I can see that,” I said, trying to stifle a laugh.

“Well you’re certainly a growing boy, Jake, though I hope you stop soon. You’re towering over me,” Charlie grumbled, and Jacob just laughed his deep belly laugh once he had swallowed his egregious mouthful of food.

I drove him home again that night, and watched wistfully as he jogged away from my truck towards his house, missing him already. The pining that I was in denial of was in full force, and I chewed my lip worriedly, barely remembering my drive home as I mulled over my newest predicament.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all!
> 
> Sorry for the delay in posting. My life did a nice little 180 since the holidays and I've been trying to clean up my own messes.  
> Had some family stuff to deal with, broke up with my boyfriend, decided that I'm moving to New York City sometime this year, and then got in a nice little car accident Saturday night that thankfully wasn't my fault but I didn't have my car for a little while and that sucked ass so I've been on the phone with the insurance companies since then.  
> Phew! Wild shit. Just in case you thought that amount of drama happening in a row only happens in books and movies, trust me, it does not. When it rains it fucking pours. But other than all that I'm doing splendidly and I'm excited to get back to fixing New Moon haha.


End file.
